Sexologist, Relationship Expert and Author
Dr Nikki Goldstein - Sexologist, Relationship Expert and Author
Nikki regularly appears on the Seven, Nine and Ten networks, and writes for News.com, Maxim, Body and Soul, and GQ to educate men and women, and give them an avenue to feel confident in talking about what they want from sex, relationships and dating.
Nikki has a Doctorate of Human Sexuality and has had success with her first book #singlebutdating, and hosting her podcast ‘Sex And Life
Nikki Goldstein on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drnikkig/
Nikki's podcast, Sex and Life: https://www.podcastoneaustralia.com.au/podcasts/sex-and-life
Verbatim from the transcripts — each quote links to the moment.
“So we're able to go, hang on a second, if we're looking at billions and millions of views on these genres, then someone's being into it or someone's fascinated by it.”
“It is sexual acrobatics. It is days and days of preparation.”
“In no way, shape, or form should you be learning how to drive a car from watching The Fast and the Furious.”
“Porn is not promoted as reality... Instagram, everyone's out there going, oh yeah, this is what I always look like. I wake up like this.”
“You know what? You are not going to get the reaction out of me. He got the best reaction out of me.”
How do I know if my porn use has become a problem?
Rather than relying on a fixed definition of 'addiction,' assess how much you're watching, what you're doing, and how it's affecting your personal life and relationship — what's problematic for one person may be normal for another.
I rely on alcohol to feel comfortable having sex — what's the first step to change that?
First acknowledge the pattern by reflecting honestly on past situations (unsafe sex, regret, etc.) to understand how drinking has been affecting you, rather than trying to simply 'flick a switch' and stop.
Should I tell my partner about a sexual fantasy I have?
Consider your intent and the potential consequences before sharing — think about whether your partner might misinterpret it (e.g., assuming you're gay or want to act on it) and whether you're sharing it to explore together or just to unload it on them.
Is it okay to hide my porn use from my partner?
Privacy around masturbation is reasonable, but going out of your way to hide it (sneaking off, locking doors) suggests shame about either how much or what type of porn you're watching, and it's worth examining why you feel you must hide it.
Nikki recounts learning during her sexology studies about a man who died from penetrative sex with a horse, filmed by another man, and the medical/legal and consent issues this raised.
Nikki describes attending a Pride Festival in San Francisco wearing a harness and 'stuffer,' and being flashed by a man in line for portaloos; she deliberately didn't react with shock, instead lifting her own dress, which got a genuine laugh from him.
Nikki recalls having a brief fling with a neighbour in an apartment block with sightlines into each other's units; after it ended he started loudly bringing other women home to taunt her, so she staged a fake three-way setup with two male friends and dramatically closed the blinds as revenge.
Nikki describes meeting a man known as 'Mr. Sex Tape' who brokers deals for celebrities (including Kim Kardashian, Pamela Anderson/Josh Lee, and Prince Harry) when their tapes or images are about to leak, including editing out compromising content like a reported golden shower scene from Kardashian's tape.
Drawn from the episode transcripts.
Nikki Goldstein explains that arousal to taboo content can stem from the thrill of the forbidden, status associations, or echoes of early sexual experiences — searching a genre doesn't mean someone wants to enact it, and she argues it's more useful to understand how to manage the response than to interrogate why it exists.
From episode 613→Tommy Jackett describes taking a full year off porn to see if he could stop seeking external stimulation. Nikki Goldstein says the healthiness of quitting depends on motivation — whether it's part of processing uncomfortable emotions versus simply because enjoyment has faded or it's harming a relationship.
From episode 613→Goldstein advises weighing the partner's likely reaction and your own intent first: sharing a fantasy you don't want to act on could create unnecessary worry (e.g. a straight-identifying man disclosing attraction to gay porn), and no one is obligated to share their full sexual history unless both partners are comfortable with that information.
From episode 613→Every episode featuring Nikki Goldstein on The Daily Talk Show.
