Finding my birth mother | Ryan Jon

Ryan: Because I'm in Melbourne for a few days and that's what you do in Melbourne.

Josh: Yeah, it's a daily talk show, everyone.

Tommy: Uh, Ryan John's with us, our second official guest.

Ryan: And can I just add that I was walking past your studio like 10 minutes ago and now here we are.

Tommy: Yeah, I said come, come say hi, and then I called Josh who was coming here to do a podcast and I said let's get Ryan on the podcast. And then Ryan walked in and said we're doing a podcast and now we're here.

Josh: And I just, uh, started recording mid crispy egg chat because I thought that was— I normally ask the question, what did you have for breakfast, as a way of a sound check.

Ryan: Now I actually feel embarrassed that that's on the record. No, but I just sound like a wanker eating my crispy eggs.

Josh: No, I just got the end of it because I was like, this is—

Tommy: You always get the end of it, it's fucking great. I'm just pulling this thing up. I've seen Ryan's put his keys in his wallet and then he had a Channel 7 pass. Where have you been?

Ryan: I've come from Channel 7.

Tommy: What's going on on Channel 7? Sorry.

Ryan: I did the Daily Edition, the 2 o'clock. It's like the, you know how it goes from sunrise into like the after sunrise morning show, but still sort of sunrise, but it's not. And then they have another afternoon one.

Josh: You're doing all the dailies today.

Ryan: You've gone from—

Tommy: This is probably your biggest appearance though in terms of audience base. We're probably getting what Channel 7's Daily Edition's getting, right?

Ryan: They said, do you wanna do an extra segment on the Daily Edition on Seven? And I said, no, I gotta do the Daily Talk Show on Apple Podcast.

Mason: That's it.

Josh: So you've come from WA, what's your deal? For people who don't know, who is Ryan John? What's the spiel?

Ryan: Is this like a Melbourne podcast or are we just everywhere?

Tommy: I don't know, we've got so many listeners in Japan. Like literally have downloaded 260 downloads in Japan. So speak directly to your Japanese audience if you can.

Ryan: Toilet ni ite mo desu ka?

Tommy: Oh, he fucking knows some Japanese.

Ryan: That means excuse me, ma'am, can I please go to the toilet? Because I did Japanese in primary school and if I said that, she'd be like, oh, very good. And then I just leave and never come back. Do that most classes.

Josh: So yes, it is global. Big in the East Coast of the US as well.

Ryan: Oh, great.

Josh: Yeah.

Ryan: Well, I've got some Facebook followers there. That's fine. But I live in Perth, back in Melbourne to see mum and dad. And 'cause I got a week off work. So going to AFL, eating crispy eggs, doing all the things you do when you're in Melbourne.

Tommy: He's being, you know, modest in his explanation of what he does. What you— oh, can I do it for you?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, do it.

Tommy: So how long have we known each other, Ryan?

Ryan: Oh, 4 years maybe.

Tommy: So we did breakfast radio, not together but on the same network, when we were, um, whippersnappers. And I was in Shepparton, you were Bumbury maybe. Yeah, before that you were in Toowoomba.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: So we had to travel hours away, and Ryan's done them all, and now he's On the, what is it?

Josh: Well, they call it metro. You're officially in the metro market.

Ryan: You guys have worked in radio. I think like I have to explain to like non-radio people. I say like there's an invisible line between metro and not metro. And going from Canberra, Canberra's like one of the biggest not metros to Perth, which is a smaller metro, but you still cross that invisible line, which for a lot of regional folks like us, it's like, ooh, the holy grail.

Josh: Is Newcastle, is that still regional? Is that counted as regional?

Ryan: Newcastle, Gold Coast, Canberra is sort of the bigger non-metros, if you will.

Josh: And so Ryan's made it, he's now in Perth, he's a full metrosexual, he's the official title.

Tommy: He's got some fucking great hair and a good beard.

Ryan: Yeah, thank you, that's as metro as it gets.

Tommy: But then we— I helped you out with, for a video that you were making, um, which was— I feel like you've probably just been banging on about this on the Daily Edition and the Channel 7. So Tell us quickly what the video is that we made and that went fucking bananas, and it had nothing to do with me. I press record.

Ryan: Oh, you made it. No, you edited it. Take all the credit you want. So basically, this— where we're sitting right now, where we're sitting right now, I came in here, would have been about Christmas, 4 years ago. Yeah. And we went and had a coffee and I said, oh Tom, I think I want to do this video about, uh, I've never met my birth mother and a bit of a message to my birth mother. What do you think? And Tom said let me do this, it'll be a great idea, and let me take all the credit. And I said, deal.

Tommy: Um, so you haven't seen a fucking cent.

Ryan: Yeah, you got paid for that, didn't you?

Tommy: Yes, actually I did.

Ryan: Yeah, probably not as much as I have from it, but still a pretty good deal.

Tommy: I mean, your money.

Ryan: Um, but so yeah, we made this Mother's Day video sort of saying, uh, I've never met my biological mum, this is why Mother's Day is a bit weird for me. Um, we filmed it. The video that went nuts was like a 3-minute video, but probably only took us what, 7, 10 minutes to shoot. We kind of just did it. And then we interviewed my, who I call mum, but it's my adoptive mum. And it just became a whole story. I just thought friends might've thought it's interesting, but I didn't realise that most people you meet know someone who's adopted. Oh yeah, my sister, or oh yeah, my cousin, or yeah, my girlfriend, her sister got adopted.

Tommy: Or you'd joke about it to your brother. Is that, do you find that offensive? Like I think my brother was like, "You're adopted." And is that offensive?

Ryan: No, it's not. I'm not offended.

Tommy: I can imagine you being.

Ryan: 'Cause I say the opposite. So when my mom does something stupid, I go, "You can tell I'm adopted 'cause you're an idiot." Yeah, I like that.

Tommy: I guess some people would probably find it offensive, but that got how many views on Facebook alone?

Ryan: Facebook, about between 400 and 500 million. What?

Mason: Yeah.

Ryan: Fuck, I didn't see that. Yeah, 'cause by the time—

Tommy: Where the fuck's my money?

Josh: Wait, 4 to 5, wait, 4 to 500 million? Yes. Have you said that right?

Ryan: 4 to 500 million?

Tommy: I know, that's what I said.

Josh: What?

Ryan: So once the uni lads and the Lad Bibles of the world get a hold of it, like, see you later, it's gone. And the thing, the difference between YouTube and Facebook is, 'cause everyone goes, "Oh, you must've made heaps." And I was like, "$0, $0.00." 'Cause Facebook, you get nothing. If it had 400 million on YouTube, see you guys later, we're going to the Bahamas.

Tommy: Gangnam Style.

Josh: Yeah. So did you at least, uh, find your mum after all of it? No. So what was the— so tell everyone what was the— what was—

Tommy: let's jump to the end. That made it sound really like depressing, but something came of it.

Ryan: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So most of the things that happened in the comments were people saying you got to do an Ancestry DNA test. Everyone's like, you got to try this thing. And I was like, oh, you see the ads, but I don't really know what it was. And so I did it and I thought being adopted, you have like a blank canvas. So even if I find out, oh, you're 60% Irish and I've got a bit of a ginger beard. So I'm like, maybe I'm Scottish or something, I don't know. And I thought even that might be interesting. So I did it and I find out, yep, 60% Irish, bit of Scottish, bit of Italian and whatever. How good is this?

Josh: Did you spit into a tube?

Ryan: Yeah, spit into a little thing and you send it off to Ancestry. And then this lady who runs this TV show, it's like, I think it's called like Finding My Roots. You know, like it's like, oh, today we're hanging out with this rapper and we're gonna find out that his great-grandpa was in Africa and some bullshit.

Tommy: It's not, we're hanging out with this rapper and we're gonna find out how many roots he's had.

Ryan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, it is.

Josh: Tommy's new show.

Ryan: Yeah, it is indirectly related. But then, so she messaged me.

Josh: First we're going to Shepparton.

Ryan: Finding my roots, Shepparton edition. And then the lady goes, oh, if you let me log into your ancestry page, I'll just, you know, I'll snoop around, see if I can't find something. And then she sends me a text 2 months later going, "Oh yeah, I found your biological dad." Crazy. Just like that. And I was like, "Oh my God, can I call you back?" And she's like, "It's actually a bit late in America. How about next Tuesday?" And I was like, "Are you joking? How can I not call you?" And so the next day I called and she explained, "Yep, found him in London. He was an American guy backpacking. Here's his address if you wanna write him a letter." You know, you do what you gotta do.

Josh: So what was her process of finding that info?

Ryan: So she logs in and finds like, a fourth or fifth cousin, aunt, something, like a really distant relative. And then she just builds out the family trees. And it turns out my great-grandma was one of 11 siblings.

Mason: Wow.

Ryan: And the one who's my great-grandma is the youngest. So she had to go like, build family tree, da da da, nope, da da da, nope, 11 times.

Josh: So did she have to ask them? Would she reach out to people?

Ryan: I honestly don't know. She just said that it took months. It was a needle, a genuine needle in a haystack. She just knows that she finally found it through and there it was.

Josh: 'Cause I've got the, I did the 23andMe one, like years and years ago. I think it was like 2011. And I've got 100, I think, unread messages of like relatives.

Ryan: That could be your brothers and sisters, bro.

Tommy: Imagine that. Well, your mom's one of how many?

Josh: 11 kids.

Tommy: So, your family would go far.

Ryan: One of 11. Are you my uncle? Could be.

Josh: Could be. This is why we brought you here.

Tommy: So, you found your dad. And I remember you telling me, calling me and telling me this.

Ryan: You're like the second or third person I called.

Tommy: Thank you.

Ryan: Yeah. Um, and I did then offer to fly to London and then rescind that offer. Yeah.

Tommy: No, but I think because you were like, okay, well, if I've documented it this far, I may as well document it. And I said to you, just do it in the way that feels the best to you, because you're like, you know, as you've never wanted to make this feel like you're trying to fucking milk it for what it's got, right? Because it's actually something that's pretty close to you. It's pretty serious for you.

Josh: However, if you can leverage it, why not? Yeah, get $500 million.

Tommy: $500 million, yes.

Ryan: Well, without pissing in your pocket, Tommy, I did was like, oh, Tommy knows how to tell a story. And you were one of the guys that said, oh, as soon as you let a TV company, Channel 10, 60 Minutes, give you some money, it's their storey now. And you can say, oh, can you edit it this way? And they might or they might not. And it just looks like any other storey on the show. Whereas you go, if you just film as much as you can, at least you've got the choice to tell your own storey your way and you still own your story. Yeah. And I just, it felt weird, like I took some snippets on my phone, but it felt weird to turn up on someone's doorstep with a film crew. Yeah, of course.

Josh: Especially because Tommy would have brought an Obike.

Ryan: Yeah, shoot as well. We have Obikes in London? Yeah, no, we'll do this. Yeah, and with his Obike t-shirt. Yeah. Saying, bye here. But this is really lame because Matthew McConaughey has made a lot of terrible movies, but I kept having flashbacks to like Ed TV. You know, he's like that original—

Josh: I don't watch movies, so I can't relate, but please tell us more.

Ryan: You don't watch movies?

Tommy: No, she doesn't.

Josh: I know about it. When you said—

Ryan: can we spot the topic of this and just focus on that?

Josh: We could.

Tommy: I bring up every time he hasn't seen The Matrix. How the fuck have you never seen The Matrix?

Ryan: Pretty awful though.

Tommy: No, but if you haven't seen The Matrix, you're fucked.

Ryan: Anyway, let's just— so Ed TV is Matt McConaughey. He's the main character in this movie, and it's sort of a movie about this guy who Essentially, it's like the first reality show. Yeah, someone goes, oh, why don't we just film this guy 24/7 and see what happens? And, and as—

Josh: was it based on— because there's that— is it Josh 2.0? There's that dude in New York who set up heaps of cameras, I think in the early 2000s, which I end up— I think anyway— no, you clearly don't know.

Tommy: No, I don't. I think I know what you're talking about.

Josh: But yeah, there was a, there was a documentary, I think it was called Josh 2.0, where Literally the guy, it was pre— it was actually pre-Big Brother. So it would have been—

Tommy: Do you even know who Matthew McConaughey is?

Josh: He's the one without the shirt.

Tommy: Yeah, he's always got—

Ryan: Yeah, no, that's a pretty accurate description.

Tommy: He's now like a seasoned actor. He's a fucking amazing actor.

Mason: Oscar winner.

Tommy: Yeah, Oscar winner.

Josh: Yeah, Bree was a fan. So anyway, so he— so you felt like you were in that film.

Ryan: What? No, I just felt like I saw the bad side of that film and I just went— because it ends with all these cameras following him around and it's a personal moment and I just went that's not for me, thanks. I think I, I don't really want that because like you were saying, Tommy, like it is a great storey and I want to tell it to people because I think it's a great storey to share. But also it's not— I don't want the hype and the, the people and the— I know when someone's watching you meet a family member the first time, you kind of like just very conscious that there'd be cameras there. I'd rather just be in that moment, I guess.

Josh: So, uh, what was that experience like? So you went to London?

Ryan: Went to London, um, flew over and We spoke on the phone once for about an hour and there's lots of emails back and forth. And it was when we met in person, it was actually very underwhelming. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. 'Cause it would've just looked like two guys catching up for a coffee. Like if you had seen us in the cafe, it'd be like, oh yeah, just two other guys. 'Cause we just hugged and it was more of a, how crazy is this? Yeah.

Josh: 'Cause— What was his vibe on the whole thing?

Ryan: Well, he had no idea I existed. So he was just like, and it was seriously like a celebration, like how cool is this? And I think it would be different if I met my birth mother, 'cause you know, she had been in her stomach for 9 months and she had to make the decisions and she would have known this whole time. So it'd be a bit more emotional. And I feel like she did a lot for me. Like she gave me this great life where he literally was just travelling and hooked up with a chick one time.

Josh: So it was just, it was just, um, Tommy looks slightly, he's like, fuck, really? That's how it happens.

Tommy: Hang on, you dropped him a letter or something?

Ryan: I wrote him a letter 'cause he doesn't have Facebook. And I just thought, I found so his wife and his kids have got Facebook and I just thought, oh, I can't go through the kids or the wife because he could have already been married. Like, I don't know the story.

Josh: So you were sort of giving your biological dad a bit of fucking love being like, bro, I've got your back. I'm gonna go around direct. Don't wanna fucking upset the missus.

Ryan: Yeah, sort of. But it's 'cause you don't know the storey and you don't wanna, ruin his family. So I kind of was just very like, he had to sign for it in the registered post and whatever. It turns out that registered post in London means nothing because he wasn't home and they just gave it to the neighbor.

Josh: Really?

Ryan: Yeah. And then the neighbour lost it. And then he went over like a week later and they're like, oh, is there a letter for me? And they're like, oh yeah, I can't really remember. And they had a few beers the next day and one of the kids was like, oh, what's this? And that was the letter. So it almost didn't arrive.

Tommy: Fuck. I mean, there's the video. The letter on the counter, just so much action going around it. No one's touched it.

Ryan: Yeah, but writing the letter was the hardest bit because, well, Josh, how would you start that letter? What do you write? What's your opening line?

Josh: Um, yeah, good question.

Tommy: Hey guys, hey, it's a Daily Talks moment.

Josh: No, you would, um, you would want to give it like— it's this desire to give as much context as possible, isn't it? It's like, uh, yeah, so how did you— what was the opening line? Oh, I kind of Well, hang on, now I'm gonna be selfish and say what I think. Like maybe it depends, do you go for dramatic effect?

Ryan: Well, that was the thing I was like, I don't wanna come on too strong, but I also wanna give enough context so it doesn't look scammy.

Josh: What about like people get letters like this, right?

Ryan: Going, "I'm your long lost son, I work in a Nigerian bank." I keep getting them and it's fucking annoying.

Tommy: Stop, like stop trying to scam me.

Josh: I think I would write like, say if his name was Simon, I'd say, hi Simon, I think that you are my dad. Full stop.

Ryan: Too strong, bro, too strong.

Tommy: That's fucking strong.

Ryan: Yeah, so I think it was like, my name is Ryan, I was born on the 28th of June, 1987.

Tommy: Oh, I know from then that's fucked.

Ryan: Anyone sends that and says that, this is happening. I think we may have a connection or we might be related. Oh, that's soft. And I said, I didn't say the word father the whole thing. I said, my birth mother's name is Julie, and I believe that you guys met each other a few times when you were travelling through Melbourne. And he said it was the birth date where he literally calculated, you know, that minus 9 months equals about here. Yep, I was in that window. Yeah, I remember that girl. Maybe this is real.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, you played it a lot cooler than I did.

Tommy: I know, I know.

Ryan: But also it took me a week to think about it. 'Cause originally in my mind my whole life when I kind of thought what this might be like, I always just assumed I would just knock on the door and say hi. And then everyone's like, "You can't do that. That's terrifying." But—

Tommy: No, that was a good approach. You probably took the best approach.

Ryan: Yeah, well, it's like the opposite of Star Wars. You know, in Star Wars—

Josh: I haven't seen Star Wars.

Ryan: Oh, you're sorry.

Tommy: Any movie related.

Ryan: Okay, so in Star Wars, there's a— also spoiler alert. There's a famous scene where they go, "I am your father." I am your father.

Josh: Yes.

Ryan: Yeah, I haven't seen Star Wars either, but I still know that line.

Josh: Yeah, sure.

Ryan: But I thought, do I do the opposite? And it's like, "Hello." "You are my father." I feel like—

Tommy: Novelty Star Wars card that has a voice recorder.

Josh: Recording. Yeah, without respect. Um, no, you could have done a little video to him, but maybe too strong. I like the idea.

Ryan: He didn't have Facebook, so I sent a physical piece of paper to a home address.

Tommy: Did you send him a photo of yourself?

Ryan: No, but I said, here's my like Facebook account, here's a video of—

Tommy: it's blown up, it's blown up.

Ryan: Okay, here's one of the creepy things. There's so many— so he has two sons, that's my half brothers.

Josh: Yeah.

Ryan: And one of the half brothers girlfriends. They like live together, they've been together for years. She was already a fan of the Facebook page and had watched the videos, watched the videos not knowing. And that's the brother that looks really like me. So she was watching this guy going, oh, what a great storey in Australia, and like whatever, not knowing that the person that she lives with, that's their brother.

Josh: Fuck. What was going through your mind throughout this whole, like, actually your whole life?

Mason: Yep.

Josh: What do you think about, like, what, how much of a How much is it on your mind? How much is it part of your identity?

Ryan: Well, it definitely wasn't part of like identity until like now I go and talk on podcasts and TV about it. So until recently, but it's just on Mother's Day, birthday, Christmas, it's always like, oh, you know, I wonder what they're doing.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ryan: And you know, would they be having the same? Would they, like surely Mother's Day would come around and the birth mum would be like, oh, like I wonder what he's up to. How are you? So, it's always just sort of there, but the main thing for me was that probably 6 months before I spoke with Tommy and said, oh, we might make this video, I was sick and like it was nothing bad, but there's only so many times a doctor goes, oh, do you have any history of this? And you go, I don't know. Before you start getting a bit curious. And then like, again, you get asked that question over and over and they go, usually it's like, it'll be totally fine as long as you don't have this in your family. You don't have that, do you? And you go, fuck, maybe I do. I don't know.

Josh: Yeah, and what did— so, curious, yeah, where did it end, uh, with your mum, or where is it at at the moment, like your biological—

Ryan: Well, here, this could be a scoop for the Daily Talk Show.

Josh: This is big, we'll get this one out today.

Mason: Go on.

Ryan: All right, so what time are we recording this? What's like 3 o'clock?

Josh: It's 3:33 PM in Melbourne. In Melbourne.

Ryan: Tomorrow morning at 8:15, I am going in to Birth, Deaths and Marriages Victoria because they're all state-based departments and I was born in Victoria. And I'm getting my original birth certificate, which will have my birth mum's full name, which I don't know at this stage.

Josh: Wait, so your biological dad didn't even know her full name?

Mason: No.

Josh: Okay.

Tommy: Yeah, he had a fun night.

Ryan: He, uh, yeah, so he— they were together just that one time, and here I am.

Josh: Yeah. Um, and he said that he was like, I just called her Big Titty Karen.

Ryan: Yeah, he knew her first name and 'cause she was like a manager at some place and he was just doing casual cash jobs as you do when you're travelling or whatever. But yeah, like even when he knew the first name, he was kind of sheepish, but I was like, "Hey, I know Tommy Jacket. I know what it's like for guys to travel and get a tan." Exactly.

Tommy: How's this become a thing about me?

Josh: It's good fun.

Tommy: Painting me as a sexist.

Ryan: But he, well, you'd ask yourself in Japanese that question. But yeah, so he just knew her first name and just remembered her like, But again, it wouldn't be any different to other people. Like, think of someone you met 30 years ago when you were traveling. You're like, oh, I remember that guy, he was nice. Um, but so tomorrow, get a first name, last name, address, and all the paperwork.

Tommy: And it will say the, um, hospital. Do you know what hospital you're born at?

Ryan: It just says on my passport— this is real weird— so you know how it's like which city you're from? Yeah, it says Moonee Ponds.

Tommy: Yeah, so you— yeah, so mine's Clayton because it says where were you born. Yeah, Clayton was—

Ryan: and so mine's Moonee Ponds, and that's literally all I know because that's on my back.

Josh: Wait, so she's From Melbourne.

Ryan: Yeah, that's why I have to come to Melbourne to go to Birth, Deaths and Marriages.

Tommy: Isn't that fucking crazy that this, like, the storeys are unravelled but it's not even close to being anywhere near—

Josh: I was born in Mount Waverley, guys, before you fucking ask. Jesus Christ. Not to make it about me, but it was Mount Waverley.

Tommy: Are you going to— oh, hang on, one thing. Tell Josh about the shoulder, the fucking— your dad.

Ryan: So this is nuts. Okay, so he was— I always knew because I had this letter from, um, like the social worker, council worker, whoever. And it's like, here's some facts about your mom. She was this tall, she had blue eyes, and here's what she remembers about your dad. And it said he was a lacrosse player. So I always grew up knowing he was like an athlete or something. And I said to him when I met, why did you stop playing lacrosse? And he said, oh, for some reason I just always had this dodgy left shoulder and I had to get surgeries. And he was sort of at that stage where he's like, I'm not that good, I'm getting surgeries, like I think I'm done here. And he shows me this scar on his left shoulder And then I just pissed myself laughing in the cafe because it's exactly the same as the scar I've got on my left shoulder.

Tommy: Exactly the same.

Josh: That's crazy. So that would be like genetic, like, or just—

Tommy: oh, shit ass shoulders.

Ryan: Usually, yeah, shitty shoulders. But usually, like, when someone plays sport and dislocates their shoulder, like a football player, they get crunched in a tackle and it's like impact, and it's like, well, of course you're going to break your shoulder. Yeah, but for me, and the same as him as it turns out, it was just always a bit loose. I played volleyball, a non-contact sport, so you just go up to hit and one day it just sort you follow through and it kind of falls out. And it's one of those ones where you go to hospital and it's like, so what happened? And you're like, I just swung.

Josh: How many times have you just— did you dislocate your shoulder?

Ryan: Oh, I couldn't even tell you.

Josh: Fuck, I hate— I remember at the basketball stadium, it's gross. You'd be—

Tommy: you'd just say, ah, yeah, so much pain.

Josh: And then it's just like someone's on the ground, it's like, oh, what's— it was like the biggest fear.

Tommy: The girl in the office next door, all of a sudden, ah, knee. Just was sitting down to her desk and this ambulance had to come.

Mason: Gross.

Ryan: Is she adopted? No, she's not. All adoptees are a bit—

Tommy: It's actually your mum.

Ryan: So, um, yeah, so I've had 3 reconstructions and that's the scars on it, and I stopped playing volleyball for that reason.

Tommy: Imagine if The Daily Show on whatever it's, Channel 7, were making these gags that we are. They would not get away with it, do you reckon? They're too soft.

Ryan: They're not— or like, would they get away with it publicly or like with themselves? No, with you. They wouldn't have the balls to do it, and they should, and that's why TV is dying.

Josh: Yes.

Mason: Yeah.

Tommy: And The Daily Show is taking over.

Josh: Yep. Um, Daily Talk Show. Thank you. DailyTalkShow.com. We've got the .com, which is great.

Ryan: Okay, that is nice.

Josh: But, uh, so I just want to go back to the, uh, so how, how does your adopted parents— how did they end up with you?

Ryan: So my mum and dad got married when mum was 21, um, tried to have kids, unsuccessful. IVF twice, unsuccessful, which both financially and physically is like a big toll on people, I hear. Um, I didn't know much about this, and you probably found out when I did, Tommy, when we did the interview with Mum. And, um, so she was 33 when she got me. So you kind of go, okay, but then you think about it, shit, that's 12 years trying to have kids. And Mum's like, I just wanted to be a mum. Yeah. And so there was nothing wrong with her or Dad per se, they just just didn't match or just wasn't happening. There was no real reason. And then mum submits the papers. I think she said it was about 2 years. She just didn't hear back. And then the phone rings and they're like, yep, he's 10 weeks old, pick him up tonight, this afternoon.

Josh: Fuck.

Ryan: Yeah, so mum has to call up work and go, oh, can I have maternity leave? And they go, oh sure, when are you expecting? And she goes, oh, like as of today. And they're like, but you're not pregnant. Okay, sure. And so just takes a year's maternity leave, just Not pregnant, just see you later.

Mason: Fuck.

Josh: So then what happened? And then maybe get a bit of mat leave if you wanna go on a trip.

Tommy: Probably get a bit of money back then as well.

Ryan: So I think they came to see me that afternoon at the, like, I was 10 weeks old.

Josh: So you're in a hospital at this point or what are they?

Ryan: Yeah, it's like an orphanage or a foster home type situation. And so I was 10 weeks old, they came over, like met me and then it was like, go home, get the house ready. I'm coming over tomorrow morning. Obviously I didn't say I'm coming over.

Tommy: No, no, he came out talking.

Mason: Yeah, exactly.

Ryan: I'll be getting an Uber. And they go, what's that? And they go, oh, you'll understand in 25 years.

Tommy: Have ice cream ready.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: This kid from fucking Mooneyponds.

Ryan: Yeah, he's got attitude.

Tommy: Yeah.

Josh: And, um, has your parents' view on IVF— have you spoken to them about it? And now that they've obviously gone down this path, would they have any recommendations for people who are struggling to, to have kids?

Ryan: Not really. I haven't really asked that question. I guess it's like a personal thing. And I think adoption is— I know when you say last resort, it sounds like it's a bad thing, but obviously you try to have conceived naturally.

Josh: So I wonder why that, like, because IVF I find like interesting, right? It costs like a lot of fucking money. Yeah, there's like a bunch of kids who for whatever circumstances don't have the support network that they would need. Like, Bree and I have spoken about if we were to have kids, we would adopt just because it seems like there's enough fucking kids in the world but not like not enough parents.

Ryan: Yeah, well, when I was up for adoption in the state of Victoria, and it's a whole other talk topic of like you know, if kids from countries that are overpopulated and whatnot. But in Victoria, there were 2,000 couples who couldn't have kids and were wanting to adopt. So 2,000 couples going, please, can we have a child? And there was myself and 15 other babies that year. So 16 kids for 2,000 couples.

Josh: So it's over—

Ryan: so there's— I have no idea what it is now, but that was in '87. Yeah, yeah. Um, but again, you hear— you've guys seen Lion? Well, obviously you haven't because I actually have seen Lion. Lion?

Josh: The movie, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the one where he's—

Tommy: the movie. M-O-V-I-E movie.

Josh: I have seen it.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: M-O-V-I-E, I was—

Ryan: Yeah, it's an Australian film. And basically this guy gets lost in India and they send him to Tasmania and he grows up, you know, and he's like an Indian child. So that's like a whole new ball game of do you take a child out of their culture or whatever?

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Ryan: A bit different for me 'cause I was—

Josh: From out of Moonee Ponds to—

Ryan: Moonee Ponds to Alfham, not the biggest of cultural changes, you wouldn't have thought.

Josh: And what do you remember when you were a kid? Were there certain things that you would think where it's like, "Oh, I better be behaved 'cause I'm fucking the adopter." Like, is there any things that you think about as an adopted kid, which I guess you naturally would anyway, but can you like identify them now?

Ryan: Yeah, so I didn't really realise this was a thing probably until recently that I was always, thought that my birth mum had given up so much for me. She sacrificed her body. Like, it's probably understandable that they feel guilt and there's like all this bad stuff they go through. And I always just thought the least I can do is like live a great life so she thinks, oh, it was worth the trouble. And so I guess that's like, it turns out a lot of adoptees are like overachievers because they feel like they've got something to prove.

Josh: Fucking Steve Jobs.

Tommy: Was he adopted?

Josh: Yeah.

Ryan: Really?

Josh: Yeah, yeah. Uh, like, uh, I can't fuck— I'm gonna fuck it up if I say shit, but no, he was adopted. Yeah.

Ryan: So not that they would think this, but is it under— and I'm asking, I don't know, I haven't really talked about this a lot, but is it understandable to think if someone did so much to give me a life, that would they be disappointed? Go, I sacrificed all this and you turned out to be a dropkick?

Josh: Like, yeah, well, I think that there's probably a heightened— like, having parents parents do that, you've essentially like doubled the amount of parents you have. Yeah. So you've got like, you feel double the responsibility because you fucking got the initial thing, and then you've got like people who have then said— it's almost like investors. You've got your, yeah, your initial investors, and then come fucking invest in you again, and you're feeling the pressure. Yep, yep. But, um, yeah, super. And so how much of it was it communicated when you were a kid? Like, was it kept under wraps in school? Did you feel comfortable talking about it?

Ryan: Yeah, I always felt comfortable talking about it, but it just doesn't come up in conversation that much. But you do, like, looking back, notice that no one ever says— so one of my best mates, Dave, great volleyball player. His brother Mike is a great volleyball player. And you see them play and you go, oh, the Parsons boys, they've both got that right arm, you know. And they look like their dad, who sort of plays the same way when he plays socially and stuff. And there's like, like father, like son. Or, oh geez, those Parsons boys, they love that right arm down the line shot, or whatever. But you just never have that.

Tommy: Getting great visuals here, by the way, of the Parson boys.

Ryan: Yeah, the Parson boys are absolute rigs. Um, get them in here. Um, but you just don't have any of that. And then, you know, when you see a baby and you come around and you go, oh, it's got mum's eyes and it's got dad's nose, and like, mum's white, dad's white, I'm a white guy, but even mum says, oh, you just didn't look like a product of mine.

Josh: Yeah.

Ryan: And so people wouldn't come up in the street and say that sort of stuff, which is not offensive, but just over the years you just notice that you don't have that chat.

Tommy: From recording those interviews with you and your mom, um, your adoptee mom, adopted mom, adopted mom, yep. What, like, I think we're like, Josh's questions, I all thought those before, and then I was surprised that you, it's not like a movie for you where you're like, what, I'm adopted? Yeah, like I remember you telling, it was like you just work it out and then it's your life.

Ryan: And so you don't know any different. It's like if I said to you, so Josh, when you decide to breathe in the morning?

Josh: Yeah, yeah.

Ryan: And you're like, oh, I've never even thought that I wake up and breathe, it just happens. Because that's what it is.

Tommy: Because I was convinced that you would have been like—

Ryan: There's my mom calling now, shall I put on loudspeaker? Yeah, yeah, let's go for it. Hey mom, you're live on a podcast.

Mason: What?

Josh: Yes, the Daily Talk Show.

Ryan: You're on the Daily Talk Show, big in Japan.

Mason: Me?

Ryan: Yeah, you're on my podcast.

Mason: I've got you on loudspeaker. I'm not really.

Ryan: You are. Is there anything you'd like to say to the people of Shepparton in Japan?

Mason: Shepparton in Japan? I just need to know where you are because I, I think I need the car just to deliver some flowers to someone.

Ryan: Okay, um, well, I'll actually ask the guys. Guys, how long are you going to be here?

Josh: Another 10 minutes.

Ryan: Another 10 minutes, and then I'll drive home from Collingwood to Altham.

Mason: Okay, no drama.

Josh: Um, just on the Eastern.

Mason: All right, I'll just see what time they close. I'll see you at home in You don't have to hurry. I thought you might have been around.

Ryan: If you were to sum up adoption in 3 words, what would you say?

Mason: Adoption in 3 words?

Ryan: Oh, used them up. See ya, Mum.

Josh: Good gear, good gear. Do you use her much on the show?

Ryan: Sometimes because she like is a bit of a ratbag and funny and loves to like sort of throw me under the bus, which I guess in commercial radio is just A1 material.

Tommy: She's a legend.

Josh: She's great.

Ryan: Yeah, she's really lovely. And she was on the project talking about the adoption storey the other day and stuff. And I actually hate it 'cause everyone watches the storeys about me and mum and go, "Oh gee, how great's your mum?" And I'm like, "What about me? What about me? Don't worry about her.

Tommy: It's my story." Let's, 'cause I've been using your, so we had a chat and it was around the audience that you have built, but might not necessarily have been the audience you wanted to build. Not that you're, I don't think you don't seem like you're annoyed about building it, but tell us about from all of this stuff, what's happened.

Ryan: Yeah, so prior to this, I work in commercial radio. So you make a couple of videos here and there to like extend the radio show, if you will. And then I found not a niche, but I just, I personally like going and doing vox pops and talking to people on the streets. And then one time I decided to do it at 3:00 AM in the morning when everyone's blind out the front of nightclubs and ask their opinions on politics., and it went off and I was like, this is great. And I was like, oh, this is fun. And, and I was in Canberra, so a lot of people in Canberra like, I know that guy, or they've got political opinions and stuff. And so the page is getting this little cult following in Canberra, and then suddenly, um, you get 100,000 mums from Middle America who are between the age of 45 and 60 invested in your story. And they're like, oh, this is so great, what's the next update? And you're like, oh, no updates yet, but, um, but here's a dick joke. Here's a guy pinging off his brain talking about politics, and they're like, oh, I don't This is a bit rude. I don't like this. And then the people in Canberra are like, just tell us a dick joke.

Josh: Yeah. Stop crying about your mum.

Ryan: And so now it's a bit weird, like you were saying.

Tommy: But your adopted mum's amazing.

Josh: Get more of her.

Ryan: Yeah, get her on. Yeah, she's great. If only you could talk about the adoption at 3:00 AM with the piss people and just keep everyone happy at the same time, that would be fantastic. But it is weird when you get a big audience that you wanna respect and who are interested in your story, but it might not be, uh, well, for instance, if I say, hey guys, on my radio show tomorrow, this is what we're talking about, 98% of people on my Facebook page, so 200,000 people, go, oh well, we're not in Perth, so we can't hear it, so we don't care. So that's tricky.

Josh: Do you regret going publicly with any of this stuff, or what's been the lessons?

Ryan: Um, well, I wouldn't regret it because it was literally people in the comments saying you should do an Ancestry DNA test. So there's so many of those tipping point moments where you go, if I didn't post this video, I wouldn't have met my birth father and my half brothers. And like, so any kind of things that I go, oh geez, I wish I didn't share that. You go, well, if you didn't share any of it, you would never have met any of them.

Tommy: So do you think there's truth in you don't choose your audience, your audience chooses you? And I know it's like you're doing a building show, obviously you're choosing the type of content. Or a makeup show. But when you're just a personality or like an entertainer or even a filmmaker, yeah, it's like we could make some sort of film about race and then you become the race guy.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: Have you got—

Ryan: you guys read a little, um, Austin—

Josh: you've had him on your podcast? Austin Kleon, I interviewed.

Ryan: Yeah, yeah, I listened to that podcast that you did.

Josh: Thank you.

Ryan: I was that guy.

Tommy: He's fangirling. He's fangirling on you, Josh.

Ryan: Perfect.

Josh: So, like, I mean, that was— I did 10 episodes of that podcast. It was Yeah, Josh speaking.

Ryan: But one of his things was a lot of people spend a lot of time going, who am I? What sort of stuff do I do? Who's my audience? And then I think he wrote something with— he goes, if you just do the stuff that you're passionate about, um, who you are will reveal itself in time instead of trying to— and I think we've even had chats like that because Tommy, you were like, well, I used to be a PT but I don't want to be like that fitness guy anymore. And do I do— everyone's a travel blogger or a makeup person, then a lot of people probably have that thought of Oh, what do I do? What do I do? And you just think, well, if you just do what comes naturally to you, then your people will find you.

Josh: Well, what I thought was interesting, I was looking at Christian Hull's video. I did a little video on Christian Hull a while ago, uh, who's a success— what would you call— successful personality online, does videos, all that sort of thing. And I was looking at the comments, and one of the main comments, which was a really nice thing to say, but I think it sort of revealed what audiences are like, which was, "Don't ever change, Christian, don't ever change." And I thought that was interesting because as humans we naturally like progress and change.

Ryan: Yeah, well, he's a great actor, and I think the risk of that is, is that like, obviously it's an extended version of himself, but people go, "Do I have to keep being the flamboyant actor guy for people to like me?" And a lot of people have a lot of trouble with that.

Josh: Yeah.

Ryan: And so I think a lot of good money out of it, a lot of people go, "Oh," I make jokes about myself being fat, does that mean I can't lose weight now? Because then people won't like me anymore.

Josh: Yeah.

Ryan: I mean, it's a minefield out there.

Josh: Yeah. And I think it's even Casey Neistat has talked about it too on his vlog and things like that.

Tommy: Oh, the change and how people get annoyed.

Josh: Yeah, people are funny about change and they're, yeah, people, you know, the day that someone subscribes to you, they've almost cemented what they expect. Yeah. And that's really hard. So it's hard for the Daily Talk Show, um, if we were all of a sudden saying we're a gardening show or something like that, might be a bit of a hard sell. But I think that this authentic content, which is— we're actually not niching, we're just talking about life— then people are probably more willing to go on that journey. Yeah.

Ryan: Well, some of my bosses have said to me, and this was more radio, but it's like if people who are subscribing to you are a similar age, they evolve as you do. And so I've turned 30 last year, and so am I still like taking pills and going to festivals like I'm 19? Not really. Yeah, but if I— people have followed me 5 years ago, we might have been partying together, and now I'm doing content about, oh shit, should I become a dad or should I not become a dad? And I keep trying to tell myself that the same people who were doing the late night stuff years ago they've got older themselves and they're now going, oh shit, I've actually got to start thinking about am I having a kid. You've got to evolve, you know. I don't want to be that 48-year-old guy doing a night show talking about whoever the Five Sauce is of the day. Like, I think you've got to grow up with the audience.

Mason: Yeah.

Josh: And what was the— what has it been like going to Perth? How long have you been there for now?

Ryan: Uh, it was the end of last year, so I'm still real new. So I've only won 2 surveys in.

Josh: Okay. So, uh, and a survey happens what, ever— for people who don't know radio, every month and a half?

Ryan: Yeah, I'm new to it as well. I've never been rate or surveyed or rated as much as we are.

Josh: But, and so you're on billboards and stuff like that? Like, describe what is it, what is it like?

Ryan: It's weird. Buses, bus stops, taxis. It was the same like that in Canberra. It was a little bit embarrassing because my friends aren't, uh, impressed by it. Like, with our group of friends, I don't think any of them listen to commercial radio. And so it's not like I go home and go, I get to be on the radio every day. For me, it's like if you make some good content you're proud of, then it's a tick. And if you make an awful show, then it's a cross. There's no kind of, oh, well, at least I'm on a billboard, because it's— that's actually more embarrassing than it is anything else.

Josh: So what do you think about then, like, what's a day-to-day for you? Like, what's the, the thing on that's on, on your mind the most?

Ryan: Um, well, you guys being content guys understand that you, uh, you're only ever one second away from a great idea. And so you're always a little bit— you see something go, is there a video on that? Or is there— is that a storey about that? Or is it So you're always a little bit on, but then I say to my mates who are tradies and digging and lifting heavy things, you're never actually physically working that hard either.

Josh: Yeah, yeah. And what do you think of your audience? Like, how do you position when you're in sort of a mainstream market, you know, for a metro station, how do you position audience in your head?

Ryan: Um, well, see, I'm a bit like anti-commercial radio, as much as that sounds. I think the audience is a lot smarter than I think commercial radio stations give them credit for. And you don't have to dumb things down. People— it doesn't have to be a boom tish or an obvious joke. People want to hear an interesting story. Um, and, and what I didn't understand about my adoption storey is one of the bosses was like, well, everyone's got a mum. It really relates to everyone, and you don't have to have a twist or an angle. You just tell your storey and people will think it's fascinating. And so for me, I'm like, if you're trying to make it interesting and give them credit and respect their intelligence, then you won't be the zinger zinger commercial radio.

Josh: I do love a zinger zinger though.

Tommy: Yeah, you'd be the zinger zinger guy, Josh.

Josh: Mate, that would be my shtick. Uh, it's a daily talk show, everyone. We better let you go so you can get the car back to your mum so she can get the flowers before the shop closes.

Ryan: Yeah, thank you. I do appreciate that on behalf of mum.

Tommy: How good is the podcast though? Because you just were coming in for a catch-up anyway.

Ryan: Well, I haven't been to the new— since you've decorated this place, and I was driving past and I thought I'll just come and say g'day, and, uh, here we are, episode number 65. 65, bang.

Josh: On a Monday. Thanks for listening to The Daily Talk Show, everyone. Thank you, Ryan John, for joining us. You can send us an email, hi@thedailytalkshow.com, or—

Tommy: We're just getting, this is just, you know, sorting this stuff out. Do you know how to do that stuff right?

Josh: P.O. Box 400, Abbotsford, Victoria 3067. We have our own P.O. Box.

Ryan: Do you have to do credit lines? I'm getting in a lot of trouble at work for not doing credit lines at the moment.

Josh: Do a bonus now. What's a credit line that you have at the moment?

Ryan: Oh, here's one that I missed the other day that we're in a lot of trouble for.

Josh: Oh, perfect.

Ryan: Go and watch The Real Housewives of New York. Now available on HeyU and Foxtel.

Josh: Oh, fuck off.

Ryan: Yeah, are you surprised I didn't say it on my show?

Josh: Bye everyone.