Christmas With The Gronks

Josh: The Daily Talk Show. It's The Daily Talk Show, episode 557.

Tommy: Merry Christmas!

Derek: Yeah!

Peter: Ho ho ho!

Tommy: We've got the full mob squad here. Roll call. Scooter Derrick?

Derek: Present.

Tommy: Gemma Watts?

Gemma: Present.

Mason: Pete Shepherd?

Peter: Affirmative.

Tommy: Mr. 97?

Mason: Present.

Tommy: JJ?

Josh: Present.

Tommy: TJ? Present.

Peter: Present.

Josh: We are currently in Balwyn North.

Tommy: Coming to you from Mr. 97's lounge room.

Gemma: Yes, I live here now.

Peter: Sitting room. It's sort of a second lounge room.

Tommy: I mean, if this isn't like going up on Mr. 97's list of why you should get with him.

Peter: Yeah, yeah, the place is plush.

Tommy: This family environment, you see why he's a beautiful man.

Josh: And can I just say, some of the best shopping only a kilometre away at Doncaster.

Gemma: Did you go to Shoppo without me again?

Peter: Yes, I did.

Josh: So actually, no, I went and saw Gavin, who's the store manager at Rod and Gun.

Tommy: I do not care.

Josh: Rod, sorry, I called him Rod and his mate Gun. So if you're wondering where I got my clothes from, how did I go?

Peter: You look great.

Tommy: Looking good. Me too. Mr. Rod and Gun.

Josh: What do you guys normally do on Christmas? What does everyone do? Gem, what do you do?

Gemma: Well, I start with a hangover because I have— we do Christmas— oh, actually, I may not have talked about this on here, my Carols by Candlelight drinking game.

Josh: You can ignore me and just look into the camera. I know it feels weird. Hang on, I think I've heard Carols by Candlelight drinking game.

Tommy: I mean, you do have a lot of drinking games. I know, it's usually just drink. Oh no, hang on.

Gemma: That's not a game, that's just do it.

Tommy: There was one that you posted on Facebook, it was like a flashback from a year before.

Gemma: That would be the Carols by Candlelight one because I repost it every year. It's the only thing I've ever done that's gone viral, unfortunately.

Josh: What about all your Bachelor stuff? I feel like your Bachelor—

Gemma: Oh yeah, Junkie and Punkie often pick up my Love Island tweets.

Tommy: Junkie and Punkie, are they the same business?

Gemma: I believe so.

Tommy: They're nice. So tell us about Carols.

Gemma: Yeah, so okay, so for context, my godmother's the entertainment producer, so I started it as like a way to get people that hate Carols to watch it.

Tommy: Oh, I see, I see. This is a TV show, right?

Gemma: Yes, the one on Channel 9. I was a high-five backup dancer.

Josh: Wow.

Gemma: For their first Carols.

Peter: There's something to unpack.

Josh: Xander's impressed.

Tommy: Is this the one filmed at the Domain?

Gemma: No, no, that's the shit one.

Josh: Yeah.

Tommy: Okay.

Josh: No, but it's very good because Harrison Craig performed 7 times there.

Tommy: At the Sydney one.

Gemma: Oh yeah, it's very good vibe.

Peter: But it's the My Music Bowl.

Josh: It's the Sydney My Music Bowl.

Tommy: That's all smoked out today.

Derek: It's the real one.

Gemma: Yeah, exactly, the Christmas Eve one. So you have to drink when they zoom in on a baby. Okay, that's a lot. You have to drink if you can see the MCG in those sweeping shots of Melbourne. You have to drink if they, oh, you have to drink when I say, oh, you guys know I was a High Five backup dancer, so that's only really for people in the same room as me, but as a general rule, it's like 7 times. High Five don't even do it anymore, But I'm just like, you know what's missing from this? High Five. Actually, yes.

Tommy: So that's Charlie Robinson.

Gemma: She was my favourite from High Five. I loved her.

Peter: When I was very small, it was Charlie.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Peter: She took a lot.

Gemma: There were two blondes.

Josh: Charlie, I think, may be a natural ginger.

Peter: Really? Controversial. Charlie, if you're watching.

Gemma: She was my favorite. I've got photos with her.

Josh: Oh great.

Gemma: And my best friend's favourite was Kelly, and we were like, We'll be that. Then you have to drink if they ask for audience participation. So that includes like, "Let me see those candles." Or you guys know this one. You drink if anyone on stage has been on a reality show.

Tommy: Oh, great.

Gemma: Which is all of them.

Peter: A lot, yep.

Gemma: You have to finish your drink if the baby they zoom in on is asleep. You have to finish your drink if they say word for word, And it will happen twice word for word. You all look so beautiful from up here. And then also if you're like feeling extra spicy, you combine it with that game where you put the Santa hat on the corner of the television. And then if it matches up and it looks like the person's wearing the Santa hat, you have to finish your drink.

Peter: I didn't know that either.

Tommy: That's a real suburban one.

Gemma: So you can do that Santa hat one with any TV show.

Derek: Are you allowed to drink if you feel a bit thirsty?

Josh: Yes.

Gemma: Yeah.

Derek: Yeah. Don't miss out on that opportunity.

Gemma: Yeah. Most people don't make it all the way through.

Josh: Has anyone ever been to— so you've done the backup dancing. Have you ever actually gone and sat as an audience member?

Gemma: Oh, like when I wasn't on stage, you mean?

Tommy: No. Unless I'm on stage, I'm not going.

Josh: Because I think they do like a—

Gemma: It's like a Ben Fordham. I'm not coming to your event unless I'm the MC.

Tommy: That's so true.

Josh: What do you do, Pete? What do you normally do for—

Peter: It's a bit of a rotation system in our family. So it's either in— Ballarat, where my auntie and uncle live, in Ocean Grove, or where I grew up, or in Brighton. Your old neck of the woods.

Josh: Sovereign Hill open on Christmas Day, you reckon?

Derek: Not sure, not sure.

Tommy: Definitely not.

Peter: I wouldn't have thought so. There's not much open on Christmas Day.

Josh: McDonald's is. They keep getting Macca's, keep sending them.

Gemma: Pancake Parlour is.

Josh: Pancake Parlour?

Tommy: Really?

Gemma: They used to try and get me to work and I said, you can get rooted.

Tommy: Did you work there?

Gemma: Yeah.

Tommy: How did I not know this? Did we know this?

Josh: No, I knew you worked at Muffin Break. Muffin break.

Derek: Yeah, I worked at Pancake Parlour as well. No, that's true, I did one for one day.

Josh: Just one day. What happened?

Derek: I was Santa.

Josh: Oh really?

Derek: Yeah, I was 19 and I was probably at about 70 kilos or something like that, and the word came through, uh, we need a Santa. And I went to the op shops and bought everything red. Heaven. And in those days, this was probably 1985, and the op shops were full of stuff you'd go crazy for now, like sheepskin stuff from the '70s that no one wanted in the '80s. So the sheepskin stuff was lined with really good fluff.

Josh: So that's really high quality.

Peter: Bizarre Santa suit that none of us were alive at that point. None of us.

Josh: I wonder, like—

Derek: It was a different time.

Josh: You hear that there's a lot of training that goes on with Santas. Stuff, but I reckon @melbansanta, there's a guy on Instagram who I went to an event the other day and he was there. He said, tag me on Instagram. But what I was wondering is whether he— I reckon he's someone who hasn't had the training because he's just rogue. He had one person, he's like, oh, hey, there was another performer there. He's like, oh, look who we've got here. This is Simone. She just saved Christmas.

Gemma: There was another rule in the drinking game that I forgot, and that's you have to drink if Santa comes on stage and he's drunk. Usually yes.

Josh: And 97, what do you normally do? Is this a standard Christmas Day for you or?

Mason: Yeah, we'll sit on the couch and open up our presents.

Gemma: Record an episode.

Derek: Record an episode.

Peter: Standard.

Mason: And then we'll just, yeah, have a nice little lunch. Dad might cook a chicken on the barbecue or something.

Josh: Oh, that's nice. Pete, we were talking about love languages the other day.

Peter: We were. On one of our walks. We covered the big issues.

Josh: We're pretty cute, I think.

Gemma: I wanna be a fly on the wall of these walks.

Josh: There are a few flies in the room.

Gemma: I often get a recap, I'm not sure if you're aware. No, but I feel like I am.

Peter: I said it's a lot of grumbling and complaining until we get a coffee. And then once we get a coffee, we sort of kick into gear for the last half an hour. No, coffee doesn't help. We start talking about love languages.

Josh: Yeah, but we're talking about love languages. And I feel like, is anyone, does anyone have the gift giving or receiving as a love language?

Peter: No.

Tommy: No.

Gemma: All of my friends do. That's the only reason they've kept me around.

Josh: I'm so glad because you guys are gonna be very underwhelmed.

Peter: I know.

Josh: So, No, the reason I bring it up is because I had a slight anxiety attack this morning, actually. Bit of a fun one. Fun one. Bit of a fun one.

Tommy: Merry Christmas, Josh.

Josh: No, I woke up, I was like, oh look, we've got 97 to organise everything. But Christmas time, you know, like when do you bring gifts for people?

Gemma: I do every time I go anywhere.

Josh: So TJ and I had the blow up the other day about Bree having the Hey Tiger chocolate. But quickly, what would you guys have done?

Peter: I would have been what Bree did and just panic.

Gemma: I would have done the opposite.

Peter: Oh really?

Gemma: I'm a bit of a bitch though.

Josh: Would you have said, get your grubby hands off it like TJ said? That was gross.

Gemma: Yeah, pretty much word for word. I told my cousin off the other day because I gave them all, I had like 3 boxes of beauty products and I just put them on the table and said, go for it. And then there's a separate stash. I go into the bungalow where that stash is and she's filling up another bag.

Tommy: Gronk move.

Gemma: I'm like, you've already got 2 bags of products, you don't need this.

Tommy: But it speaks to both your personalities. It speaks true.

Gemma: What, because he's nice and I'm not?

Peter: I avoid confrontation at all costs.

Josh: You use the B word normally.

Gemma: Whereas I sniff out confrontation. I'm like, where is it coming from today?

Josh: But I've done what could be described as a Gronk shop. So the definition of a Gronk shop is shopping only at one location on the day that it's due. And so that's what we've done from Woolies.

Gemma: Is it Woolies?

Tommy: No, that's even more of a gronk.

Josh: Can we give it to Santa who can then— so another gronk move.

Derek: I've got to say, as the king of sacks, this is the most underwhelming sack I think I've seen on Christmas Day.

Tommy: You've seen a few sacks in your time.

Derek: I've seen a few sacks in my time. I have lugged a few sacks over my shoulder in my time.

Gemma: I have to leave.

Derek: This is as Santa, I must say, not as Scooter.

Tommy: Fluffy sack or no fluff?

Derek: Fluff around the edges.

Peter: As long as it's from 1985.

Josh: Yeah, exactly. It's sheepskin. So anyway, so we're not even wrapped. They're not wrapped, so that's another Gronkh move potentially.

Peter: Yeah.

Josh: And so if you pull something out, like, so some of them have got specific meaning and others are just, uh, I panicked.

Tommy: Time filler.

Josh: Time filler. So you pull it out and then I'll say who it's for and I'll describe what it is. Okay, here we go.

Tommy: So, sorry, I've got still the price on it.

Derek: What is that?

Josh: $495. So this is for Human Periscope. Okay.

Tommy: This is Tall Gronkh.

Gemma: Wow, lucky you.

Josh: So what was one of your things that you were trying, do you think, to get better at in life? You're never gonna guess.

Tommy: I'm gonna tell you. It's a quote.

Josh: It's a quote. Phone calls.

Peter: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: And so what I think— I've been leaning into that.

Peter: Yeah, you've asked it.

Josh: You and I have spoken on the phone. But what I feel like is potentially you could take it to the next level. And so what we, what big media company have bought you is a telephone phone message book.

Tommy: Yes.

Josh: And, uh, there's no carbon required. I don't know what that means.

Tommy: The old spiral.

Gemma: Wow.

Josh: Copies it through, but, but it looks like there is—

Peter: and do you sort of tear—

Josh: no carbon required because it's so— I feel like you would have that. You still run your accounts through these?

Derek: I've never run my account, but it would have been looking a bit like that.

Tommy: The old invoice book, you'd draw it out, you'd give them the copy, you keep the sheet, tear it off.

Peter: Yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's what I'll be doing.

Josh: This is Derek's Zero.

Derek: This is the new analogue one, yeah, handmade by a hipster in Brunswick.

Josh: So this is good. So what you could do, Pete, is you could say— so your voicemail, you need to fix that up.

Peter: Yeah, you're right. I don't know, I recorded it about 8 years ago.

Josh: You've definitely— it's the one where it's getting very meta because you not only say— you don't say you've reached Pete, I think it's like, oh, you've reached Peter Shepherd's phone. It's like real.

Peter: Yeah, back when home phones were a thing, maybe when I recorded it.

Josh: Yeah, just so anyway, you've got— you can put your to and from, you put the details, their telephone, their mobile, their fax, their email, and then you can tick whether you're going to ring them back.

Gemma: Okay.

Josh: What's the difference between—

Derek: oh, they'll—

Josh: sorry, they'll ring back, you need to please ring, or they called in. So you can even have it at the commons if someone calls in, you could use that. So there you go.

Gemma: You would panic if you called someone and they weren't ready for the phone call.

Peter: Absolutely. I need to like message them to TRP. Make sure they're ready for 2020.

Tommy: Pete, are you, um, bringing up to scratch when, when you've been on the show this year, you've told us that you don't like speaking on the phone.

Peter: Yeah, I've since found out there's quite a few people that have that same phobia of speaking on the phone.

Tommy: Yeah, I mean, weirdness attracts weirdness.

Josh: Like, who? Name one person.

Peter: Uh, I mean, I can't recite that, but I haven't actually— it was a, a workshop I ran, I did the question —this is relevant to the episode this week—I asked the question of like, what's a quirk you have as like an icebreaker? And someone said, oh, I'm afraid of telephone calls. And I was like, yes!

Tommy: What year were they born?

Peter: Uh, they would have been probably similar age, so '88, '89, I would say. Hey, baby girl!

Tommy: Hey, gorgeous!

Peter: The reindeer has arrived, everybody.

Josh: Come into shot, get into shot. Oh, that's perfect. Get in. Oh, Abby! Abby, come here.

Tommy: So 2020, you're gonna lean into more phone calls?

Peter: I think so, yeah. I've since discovered that it reduces a lot of friction when you're trying to organise things. Yeah, it's actually quite convenient.

Tommy: I mean, great invention that happened 100 years ago. Was it 100?

Josh: I don't know, I panicked. Within a—

Tommy: yeah, I was gonna say hundreds.

Derek: Yonks would cover it.

Josh: Yonks. Yonks. It's gotta be 100.

Peter: It has to be. Yeah, anyway, but like Josh, you take it to the next extreme. I got a phone call from Josh the other day after I reacted to his Instagram storey and he said, hey, I'm doing this new thing where I call everyone that reacts to my Instagram story.

Josh: That's good. Oh, okay, fine. It's good. Gives people like, is this exposure therapy? But also, you know that people are gonna— if they've just responded, if they've reacted to something, you know they're on there.

Peter: So this is the thing, I thought about not answering, and then I was like, oh, I just reacted.

Derek: He knows I'm right here.

Tommy: So I called a mate, um, yesterday, and he didn't answer but instantly texted back, and it was like, started the dialogue just through text. Is that him just being a similar version? I've done that before.

Peter: Yeah, just like, can't talk right now, what do you want? What do you want?

Tommy: What do you think the person's thinking? Because I immediately go, why the why didn't you answer? You could have like just spoken to me about this and we would have sealed off the whole conversation.

Derek: Could be in the toilet.

Gemma: Yeah, I would have thought they'd be on the toilet.

Peter: In the toilet. Yeah, it could be like—

Derek: Derek Scooter just loves under the— being under the bus.

Josh: No, he just, he presses— sometimes he'll go completely silent and I'm like, are you there? And then he like— while on the phone? Yeah, no, like I'm— yeah, I'm like, are you still there? And it just takes like 2 seconds and then you hear him and it's like echoey. He's like, yeah, no, I'm just, I'm just muting. I think what you Muting between plops. Oh no, never.

Peter: That's my worst nightmare. Next present.

Derek: I mute to flush. Mute to flush.

Josh: Thanks for the phone work though, I'm happy with that. So here we go. Next present. Next present, here we go.

Derek: Oh, it's a big one.

Josh: So this is an interesting one because this was more for the— you know when you go shopping and you end up buying shit that you just want but you don't know who it's for? This is one of these. So this is Josh. We've talked about, what was that? Dr. Dreadful. Dr. Dreadful, which was the thing that gave me asthma, but it's a sciencey thing and you make food and you have to make worms. And it was disgusting when you think about it. So this is dedicated—

Tommy: They did a recall 'cause it was causing asthma. Of course.

Josh: 'Cause of the blue, but this is really for all of us to use. I think in the new year we could open it, but it's a, so it's for all of us. So everyone give it a hold. It's the totally disgusting science. Describe Gemma, what do you see? What do you see? Read the second tagline.

Gemma: It says stuffed with 7 disgusting and revolting science projects. Do you think disgusting and revolting are 2 different categories or they're all the same? No, potentially. Make your own digestive system, glowing snot, fart-powered explosion and more. Who's writing the copy for this?

Peter: Great copywriting. Is it edible?

Gemma: That's what I want.

Josh: Good use of exclamation marks. Really? Is that how much it was?

Tommy: How much did you pay?

Josh: It's a bit. Is that on the company card? He stole it. He was. Harry authorised it.

Tommy: Yeah, happy Harry. Harry's actually our accountant now.

Gemma: I miss him.

Josh: But actually, interestingly, they didn't have prices on heaps of stuff.

Peter: Classic.

Josh: And they were, the post office, like I got in there like first thing in the morning, 9:00 AM, and there's already heaps of people. And I'd read the reviews of the post office before I went in because I was like, why?

Gemma: Oh my God, I thought you were gonna say I'd read the reviews of the product.

Josh: No, 'cause I just walked around, but when I, when I went into the post office, there were all these people that had cards, you know, like a card to come and collect your thing. And they got it on Friday. And they were basically, all the people from AusPost were like, "Oh, we've got like 200 packages we still need to sort out the back." Oh, geez. So we can't give them to you yet. And people were absolutely converging them on. I would be rioting. I was the only person. I would have it on my sleigh. Yeah, no, absolutely not. Still in character, Santa. If you haven't, if you're not watching the video, Derek is dressed up in a Santa costume that Gemma brought.

Peter: Full Santa.

Gemma: Yeah, why I only Santa once a season. It doesn't matter.

Tommy: He's ready for holidays because he's got his pineapple shirt on as well.

Gemma: Summer Santa.

Josh: I'm all set. But I was the only person that was buying stuff, and when I finally got to the front of the line, it's like they'd never processed anything outside of a letter before, and they were asking me for the prices for everything. And then there was someone next to me who bought something and the lady's like, hey, is, uh, is Simon here? Like, uh, like, do you know what this price is? And the guy looked at it, he's like, oh, that's, uh, $19.95. Like, just making up, just making numbers up. So that's what I've done here. So that's a group present for all of us. Oh, happy with that. Oh, hello! Here we go.

Derek: This has got to be for Gemma.

Tommy: No, that's Mason's balls. So this is, this is a massage stick.

Josh: It's telescopic.

Tommy: It looks like it's on a selfie stick. Telescopic. So it's exten— you can extend it. Back scratcher of sorts.

Josh: Uh, there'll be a different thing, I think, about back scratcher. It looks like tiny batteries. Uh, so, uh, Derek, that is for you because I know that, uh, obviously you spend a lot of time on the slide. Can you go to the next one, Derek, please? How is it? No, well, how is it? My hand's busy. All right, that's fantastic.

Derek: Thank you.

Tommy: Get your hand out of your sack.

Josh: Okay, here we go. A lot of sack gear. Oh, you grabbed them all! They're the vouchers. Here we go. So here is the back scratcher. And so this is for you, Pete. Oh, it's also a telescope. You can scratch your back whenever you like.

Tommy: I think there's someone out there that actually uses back scratchers daily.

Peter: That's the stuff.

Tommy: I mean, it's a bit of a quirk to use a shoe shoehorn as well.

Peter: Oh, absolutely. Do people use those?

Gemma: Yeah, I use a shoe.

Peter: Really? Yeah. For what?

Derek: Shoes. The posher that you are, the more you're likely to use one because leather doesn't—

Gemma: Exactly. Thank you.

Josh: The Asics I just replace every 6 months.

Peter: Now for boots. Yeah, specific shoes. My Connies come on and off pretty easy.

Josh: Uh, so there we go. So there's a— assuming you mean go back in there. Yes, scooter.

Peter: Sorry, Converse for those playing at home.

Josh: It's too much labour in the back It's actually annoying. Yeah, it's annoying. So, um, this is, uh, how do you— actually, I'll give it to Jenford.

Gemma: This is for you. As soon as I saw it, I knew.

Josh: So it is a flask and it says, "Hold on, I need to drink about it." Funny. And it's pink. It's pink.

Peter: That's all right.

Josh: $12.95. Yeah, it's $12.95.

Gemma: What's wild is I don't own a flask. Really? I'm usually very, like—

Josh: You just bring the bottle.

Gemma: Out and proud about my drinking.

Josh: So is the, um, how do you spell flask? F-L-A-S-K. Yeah, so the thing is the guy was trying to find it in the system and he was like, F-L-A-S-K. Yeah, so he was spelling it wrong, but I'm getting flustered. So there you go.

Gemma: I love it. Thank you so much.

Peter: What would be the drink of choice in there? What would you put in there?

Josh: Malibu.

Gemma: Yuck. No.

Josh: I've got Stag.

Tommy: I'm going through a real tequila phase in my life. Flavored tequila or just—

Gemma: no, no, the good shit with the worm in the bottle. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Josh: All right. And, and now— but I don't discriminate.

Tommy: Yeah. Okay, tequila's tequila.

Josh: Here we go. And this is, this is for, uh, Mr. 97. Could be, uh, no, it's in preparation. Too early.

Tommy: Good luck, parents encouraging their son.

Gemma: We'll be on our pizzas.

Peter: A lot of nostalgia.

Tommy: Sorry, Mr. 97 hasn't got his licence yet. He's the only one in the green.

Gemma: Green peas.

Josh: And then also, it wouldn't be a Gronkh move without a voucher too. So we've got you all Amazon vouchers. Oh, this is legit. Oh goodness me. So you could buy a book or something like that.

Gemma: To be fair, I prefer the flask.

Tommy: You may find there's actually no money on it. He just deleted it.

Josh: That is a great idea.

Derek: Get your Bunnings.

Josh: The thing is, the Gronkhs at AusPost, I was making sure they were scanning the things because you know that if they don't scan it I'm guessing they've worked.

Tommy: Have you bought anything from Amazon before, Gemma? I don't know, I've bought things from everywhere. So yeah, I guess you're an online shopper. Um, it's just a shop.

Josh: Pete's just moved and you've been doing a lot of e-com, really dialled in on Black Friday.

Peter: I took advantage. Now I'm, I'm now waiting for Boxing Day. You're gonna buy a TV? Yeah, I think so. I need to get your advice on that actually. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you take that offline. I, uh, so I bought, you know, just stuff stuff like a chopping block, a knife set, saucepans, bed linen, towels, everything.

Gemma: Do you get good linen? That's important.

Peter: Yeah, Sheridan.

Josh: Yes.

Tommy: Shits are always on sale, aren't they?

Peter: Yeah, yeah, the Sheridan Outlet I recommend online. It's great.

Gemma: Yeah, I'm very fancy. So yeah, so you do want to bring—

Tommy: Oh my God, it's not Santa, but someone else speaking.

Josh: It's Rick there.

Peter: Rick, I think He's gone. He's done the hand delivery.

Josh: He's hand delivered a bottle of, um, what is this?

Tommy: Croissant Vintage 2013 Champagne Piccadilly Valley.

Derek: We're trying to let Gemma say it properly.

Peter: Our resident—

Josh: what's it called? She can only deal with the slang. Yes, truly.

Tommy: Grapes were hand-picked before chilling and a whole bunch pressing.

Josh: Is there any way of knowing from a label whether something's a good bottle price.

Derek: Like, you know how you know when it comes to wine?

Peter: Region. I think it's region.

Gemma: Yeah, but then like what grapes were good in what year? So it's going to vary from place to place.

Peter: Region and year. You need to know, oh, in 2014 it was a great year in Margaret River. Yeah. In which case, if you find a Margaret River wine from— I mean, I'm speaking very out of school here.

Gemma: My parents are like, oh, shut up and pay.

Josh: Isn't that what this whole show is about? Speaking out of school. No, never out of school.

Gemma: Jill Watts worked for a wine wholesaler her mother for many, many years and she used to watch them write like the description on the label about what flavours are in it. They would just make things up.

Tommy: Really? Yeah. So then maybe it is price.

Gemma: No, no, no, it is the year and the region, but the bit where it's like flavours of passion fruit.

Peter: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause the year is also controlled based on the conditions, which was ideal for growing the grapes and all that sort of thing.

Tommy: As a fellow copywriter, you're outing your colleagues.

Gemma: Yes, excited. And your mom. Hi, Ami.

Tommy: Mr. 97, I know that you've kindly organised this. I see you're looking in your phone at a list of things. Is there anything that you wanted to bring?

Josh: Any admin that you need to go through?

Peter: Is there anything? The Christmas admin? List of things? Great.

Tommy: I don't know, I just saw that was a list of episode numbers.

Mason: So he's just doing his admin.

Tommy: Do you want me to open this bottle for you guys?

Peter: Yeah, pop it open. All right, all right.

Tommy: First bottle being popped on the show. It's my favourite noise.

Gemma: Do you want to do it? No, I don't. I don't do it.

Derek: Never. Favorite eye injury.

Josh: Is it okay?

Gemma: You're afraid of phone calls, I'm afraid of opening champagne.

Peter: Really? I reckon it'd be quite good.

Josh: I'm just someone that drinks so much.

Peter: I could see you getting around the theatre of it.

Gemma: I love the attention, but I just don't like it.

Derek: Can I mic it up?

Tommy: I'm not in a public place.

Gemma: I just know this is how I die.

Josh: Okay, popping it towards— right, here we go. Pop it towards the light. Oh, here we go. So it's, uh, is it gonna go everywhere or not? I don't know. Here we go. So it's— oh, oh, oh, it's being decompressed. It's coming.

Derek: It's a cork.

Josh: Here it comes. Oh, the tension is is absolutely— there we go. Oh my eye! Good gear. Oh, that smells good, doesn't it? That was a solid explosion of champagne. I really didn't know what to do. Look, there's a— so it's all about putting it on the glass as soon as possible, right? To avoid the head.

Gemma: That's why you put it on an angle.

Peter: Has anyone done that, what do you call it, when you shave it off with the sword of the champagne?

Gemma: Yeah, I've actually done that. I much prefer doing that. I don't have a sword on me. Cutting off—

Tommy: yeah, it cuts off the glass. Yeah, yeah.

Gemma: Oh, you actually do it at the races?

Tommy: The whole entire top of the bottle?

Gemma: Yeah, yeah, it's good fun.

Peter: It looks dangerous. It is remarkably dangerous.

Gemma: They let you do it at the races in the maki, and they have like a purpose-built plastic room.

Josh: Things that— PD, you're gonna have one?

Peter: Yeah, I'll have one. Yeah, sure.

Josh: Uh, screw that. What would you get?

Gemma: Unlike that time at Solano House.

Josh: When you were a kid, like, what sort of— what was the best Christmas present?

Gemma: Back in the old days, what did you get?

Peter: 1985, talk us through it.

Derek: '85, I was a grown man, so probably have to go a bit before that. It's so wild. Christmas morning was always exciting, and it was about— it was a— I remember getting a Big Jim Sports Camper. What is that? Which was a Matt Male Dolly's camping truck, like a plastic—

Gemma: like a Barbie Dreamhouse. Yeah, yeah, but the Big Jim was a green guy, and you could press a button on his back and he'd do a karate chop and stuff like that.

Derek: So I got a sports cap and I remember that being $22 and it wasn't meant to be at NADA. I want one, thanks.

Tommy: There's only 4 glasses anyway, so Santa doesn't— Santa's been good.

Josh: Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers. Oh no, I'm eroding now. Gavin, help me out. Robbie, what have you done? With all these clothes, like, when do you have to take clothes to dry cleaners? I've never owned clothes that were Well, when is it a dry cleaner job versus just a washing machine? Always.

Tommy: You can't put in there— you don't put your jacket through the washing machine.

Gemma: You could potentially cold hand wash. I'll do it. I love doing the washing. Really? Oh my goodness. I really enjoy cold hand washing.

Josh: There's a quirk. That's a quirk. Where do you— do you have a good laundry sink? Yeah, it's like a trough. Okay.

Gemma: It's been there since the house was built, which is when my dad was 11 and he's now 72.

Josh: That is sweet. Um, so dry cleaning.

Peter: Yeah, I don't do— I refuse to iron. So if you've got a suit or a nice shirt like you're wearing now, I would always dry clean.

Gemma: A lot of my stuff's dry clean only because I'm fancy.

Peter: Yeah, it's mainly the ironing is what I'm paying for. So they steam it.

Josh: Whenever I go away, I'll get the, um, the wash, fold, and dry, or whatever, wash, dry, and fold.

Peter: When you're away, it's very good. It's great.

Josh: In the US, it's extreme. North Carolina, the tip was more than the actual, uh, like the clothes to do.

Peter: It's great when you're in Southeast Asia, it's like a dollar a kilo or something of washing. It's outrageous. He's talking about privilege. He's talking like, here's 3 kilos of washing, here's $3.

Josh: He actually goes to Phuket just to watch. It's cheap.

Peter: That's part of the life hackers club. Seb's told me that.

Gemma: Yeah, I'm joining that one.

Peter: How many times have you talked about about the baggies and the—

Tommy: did you have a guest on your show talk about, oh, flying to Mexico, it's cheaper to fly to Mexico to do 3 bags, 5 bags of coke than it is to have a year in Australia.

Derek: So let's, let's soften that up and got some clothes.

Peter: I know people that go to Vietnam to get suits made because that's cheaper than getting a tailor made.

Josh: It's all of the above.

Peter: They told me it was for suits.

Derek: Josh, the great tradition for handling having something that's meant to be dry cleaned is make all your decisions, no matter how wasted you are, and I know it's not gonna be a problem in your case. Sure. Well, maybe after that. Neither. No matter how wasted you are, you really have to make that assessment when you come home and hang that baby back up. And if you've, and really think through what you spilled on it. 'Cause you don't wanna forget and pull that suit out for a funeral and go, "Oh, for a funeral." It's usually halfway through the night when you're on the dance floor and you go, "Don't worry, I'll just get it dry cleaned.

Gemma: It'll be fine." I've got to get a lot of things dry cleaned for that reason because everything's covered in champagne and fake tan. Yeah. Special season of my life.

Derek: But if you happen to get one that's— you come home and you go, that was a bit of a dud wedding and nothing dramatic happened, you beauty, zip it back up in the thing and hope for the best.

Josh: Well, that's what I was hoping for. I gave Bree my jacket over the weekend because it was cold out. So yeah, it was cold outside. What a gentleman.

Peter: What a gentleman.

Josh: And the thing is, I was with There was a, my mate whose wife was also cold, but I did the move first. And so then she was like, he's like, oh, do you want my jumper? And she's like, you weren't fucking giving it to me. I was like, yeah, he wasn't. But yeah, so I won that one. But then Bree said, oh, so you know, when I was wearing it, someone spilled some alcohol on me. So now I am slightly concerned potentially somewhere there is booze on this jacket. Well, if you leave it long enough, it should dry out and bounce out.

Peter: It depends on the booze. It's a nice looking jacket though.

Josh: Yeah, rotting gum. No, it's fine.

Tommy: But those colors, it's white shirts. White shirts are the killer.

Peter: Oh yeah, like, or if you've got a tux or something, you need to get them.

Gemma: I wear a lot of silk because I'm fancy, so that's— yeah, is that good?

Josh: Is it good for that? I guess if you—

Gemma: you can cold hand wash the silk because silk's existed for longer than dry cleaning has.

Josh: But what about like, um, like greasy foods? I guess if you've got hot chips, you don't need hot chips when you're wearing your silks. Gem does. Jem definitely would. Always. Dim Sims.

Gemma: What do you think I'm doing on the way home?

Derek: A little bib or something?

Tommy: Does anyone still use layby?

Josh: I would not.

Peter: I guess people never use layby anymore. What's the new thing?

Tommy: Afterpay. I've never done that either. It's terrible.

Peter: It's such a bad idea.

Gemma: If I can't afford something, I just don't get it.

Peter: Well, kind of both of them. They're just— I am layby. It's like incentivizing consumerism when people can't afford it.

Gemma: Because you can afterpay like Botox now. There's a whole thing with that because now these young girls are like, oh, I can't afford it now, but it's fine.

Josh: It's in his back pocket.

Tommy: Right, it's super to know. Yeah. 2020 anything, Gemma? We haven't spoken. Um, that you want to sort of—

Gemma: I'm gonna go back to dancing. That's my news. No, just, I just want to go back to like classes. High five.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not full-time.

Josh: No, I can imagine you get getting into barre. I love barre. What does that mean?

Gemma: But I did like ballet, I did pointe. That's why I said, yeah, yeah, barre is like exercise.

Josh: Is it called a barre because it's a— there's a bar? Yes.

Gemma: Yeah. Oh, there I— but it's B-A-R-R-E.

Tommy: Yeah, I built this. There was an episode, American business that they made. Yeah, they franchise the shit out of these. It's over in the States, barre, and it's all about—

Gemma: you can do it here, like a SoulCycle equivalent but for dancing.

Peter: Yeah, right. Okay, what about cultures?

Derek: Polish dancing is apparently taking off. Really?

Tommy: Directly?

Derek: Yeah, there's a place on Easy Street upstairs, just says pole dancing. That's very funny.

Gemma: There was one next to the old studio, wasn't there?

Derek: Yeah, exactly where it was. It was above, wasn't it? No, no, it was next door.

Josh: It was next door.

Mason: So you're gonna—

Tommy: have you got your place where you're gonna go to?

Gemma: I'm gonna go back to the Space. I used to go there all the time. Yeah, I used to go And my other New Year's resolution is to stop wearing the same lipstick every day 'cause I've got like thousands of them just sitting there.

Josh: Mix it up. Yeah. What colour are you rocking?

Gemma: Oh, at the moment I've got a lot of Charlotte Tilbury ones 'cause they're like my faves. Yeah, yeah.

Josh: But I just, I've got drawers full. The thing about a lip gloss is you don't want it to be too glossy and you want it not to change. But also, you also don't want it to change the colour of whatever you put on top.

Tommy: You mean underneath?

Josh: No, I was watching an Insta storey that you— was that lip gloss that you were describing? No, that was balm.

Gemma: So you start with a balm as like prep.

Josh: But well done, that's very good. So the idea of a balm is you don't— you want to—

Gemma: the balm's like your conditioner.

Josh: Yeah, you don't want it to be too glossy. You don't want the colour to sort of intrude on your top layer.

Gemma: Wow. I do a scrub and then I do a balm and then I put lipstick on and then gloss.

Josh: Us. Okay, there's a lot of—

Peter: yeah, I just thought it was lipstick. I'm rattled.

Tommy: Yeah. Is there ever any blow-ups at family time? No, pretty good actually.

Peter: Christmas time? Yeah, ours is sort of a bit of a happy family type. There's a lot of noise. A lot of the shepherds like to talk and really talk at each other and don't listen. There's a lot of people drinking a lot of red wine. Yeah, quite a bit of swirling of the red wine. I really say it's too heavy. We usually go for a swim in the afternoon. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, down at the beach. Yeah, yeah, it's actually— so there's usually a couple of people that haven't drank and the rest of us all— Oh, I'm gonna do this with your family this year. It's pretty shallow because it's dangerous because we've been drinking, but it's actually quite refreshing in the afternoon after you've had 3 servings of pudding and 5 red wines.

Gemma: I'm gonna come with you guys this year.

Peter: Come down to Ocean Grove, everyone's welcome.

Josh: Yeah, lovely. Might be fun, maybe next year.

Tommy: Yeah. Uh, Seb, is there drinking at your day? I know you're, you know—

Mason: Mum and dad will have a drink. Dad will have a beer, maybe Sam might have a cider.

Josh: Oh yeah.

Tommy: What about you? This is your second glass of champagne ever.

Peter: What do you think? How are you feeling about it? Can you scull it?

Josh: No, don't even scull it.

Gemma: I think it's tasty. He's going to get all margs next week.

Josh: It's a delicious—

Tommy: He's just thinking. Tell us the flavour profile, please. What are you actually tasting?

Mason: It's a nice initial taste.

Josh: It's like fruity. And then what happens?

Peter: There's a buck coming.

Josh: What's the aftertaste? Not going there. I don't know, I don't get it. What's Derek saying?

Derek: He said there's a but coming, just have to keep quiet.

Peter: Careful, Santa.

Josh: Sorry, Santa's out of control. You were talking, Derek, you were excited on Sunday. We talked about the clubs. Uh, Tommy's got his adventure club, I've got my book club, Mr. 97's got his life hacker club.

Derek: I've got the things we don't normally—

Gemma: shush in front, there's a lot at the moment.

Peter: This is a snippet. This is a snippet. Okay, edit.

Josh: All right, here we go. Go, Derek.

Derek: Things We Don't Normally Do Club. Oh yeah, been going for decades. Is that actually a club? It's a state of mind. It's a state of mind, and I want Sevs to be in it, and I think he is. I think he already— I was excited when he said Life Hacker Club because your description of it is exactly the same. And could you just talk me through it?

Peter: Things we don't usually do.

Derek: You just go, you just consistently go and do something that you don't normally do. What's that? I'm not talking about skydiving and stuff, right? Like something a bit random. Just go, yeah, what's that? Random? Probably sitting in Balwyn on Christmas Day. Uh, hope the kids are dressed as sort of half the—

Josh: you look like you've been bullied into it.

Derek: But I was, I was, I was pulling into Balwyn and I I'm early, right? A little bit early, as I always am.

Peter: Sorry that we were late.

Derek: That's all right. And I saw Seb's Aldi. Oh yeah, I'd be all over Aldi. And I thought, what does a posh area Aldi look like? Yeah, did you go in? Yeah, I went— so I pulled in in the little van. There's a lot of old people around. And pulled in there, and they, they do the look back. I was in my little TownAce, '99 TownAce, not dressed as— and when you park and people are going— the old people, they get out of their cars, little Mercs and stuff, and you can see them, they keep looking back to see if you're gonna smash their car or something like that. I like that feeling. Um, and I went in there and I thought— I went in to get some mints because my breath is appalling, right?

Josh: Why is it bad? I don't know, but it doesn't matter. But I went to— it does. Real men hate us.

Derek: And then I just I just lost my mind. It must be the Santa vibe. And Tommy, can you grab that bag for me?

Tommy: Um, speaking of magnificent sacks, here's an Audi sack and I got some stuff.

Josh: Did I hear that correctly?

Derek: Yep, you're good.

Tommy: So Santa's got his sack.

Derek: Santa thought— I thought they're gonna bloody dress me as Santa. Yeah, because I'm, you know, over 80 kilos.

Tommy: Yeah, that's actually not what I was gonna do.

Peter: I'm over 80. That was a joke.

Derek: But I've got some prezzies.

Peter: Oh, you got prezzies too?

Derek: I've got prezzies from Sev's Aldi, which made it very special. And that was— Oh, that's also my Aldi, thank you.

Peter: So this is the random card that you're describing.

Josh: Did you wrap these? Yeah, I bought some—

Gemma: I'm so annoyed that you put it inside.

Derek: You don't mind that I rolled them up? I bought sticky tape and didn't open it.

Gemma: Why are you calling it Sev's Aldi?

Josh: It's mine. So who's this for? This is for Watto.

Tommy: Okay, great. I prefer Wotsy, but that's fine.

Gemma: Thank you very much. You don't get to choose.

Derek: This is the prezi that everyone gets when no one has a clue. Favorite.

Tommy: What you want. Have we done this?

Peter: It's an acceleration.

Tommy: A bit further than favorites.

Josh: Can I guess what it is? Can I guess what it is? Ferrero Rocher. I was gonna say, is it fruitcake? Did you get Ferrero Rocher?

Peter: Ferrero Rocher. Did you get it from them?

Tommy: But I reckon they sell that. Go back in history.

Derek: To before Toblerone.

Josh: Roses. Oh, Shortbread! The King of Kings.

Gemma: King of Kings in a festive tin.

Derek: Remember, put it on the ground and wobble it, it's got a special flavor.

Josh: Do you remember Roses? Roses back in the day.

Peter: Roses was like to have it.

Josh: Roses owned by Cadbury now, maybe.

Tommy: What about, um, Shells?

Josh: There's more things. Oh shit, you know, there were Shells.

Peter: I do remember those. That was my auntie.

Josh: I always ate them in blackout, like I could only have them near the beach. Mr.

Peter: 96. Okay, here we go. What have we got?

Gemma: Sterling job. I'm very hard to buy for.

Derek: I used to play a game years ago and we'd roll down all crusty and go into Chadstone and everyone would just have to split up and meet again in an hour in the food court, Dimmy's. And your budget was $5 each and we'd have a little Kris Kringle Christmas in whatever month it was. It didn't matter. So Sunscreen.

Gemma: Yes! Sunscreen. This is so good. Is it 50+? Yes. Broad spectrum?

Josh: Yes. Are they the criteria?

Peter: Every producer must have sunscreen.

Josh: How do you talk about this, Brett? Oh! Say that again.

Peter: He's having a side conversation.

Josh: I tried to find one—

Derek: you can get sunscreen with little keyrings so you can clip it on like a proper producer and make sure your talent, if you're filming somewhere, and you can always offer them sunscreen. Oh, this is great. All right, okay, here we go. We're still going, Tommy.

Tommy: All right, I love that you, you know what's what because it's— you've just— they all look like scrunched up paper. I know who's a good present. I'm very careful to feel everything. This feels like there's all bits and bobs inside of this. No, it's just cash. Just cash.

Josh: Chocolate coins.

Gemma: Yeah, my wife loves these, so I like anything shiny.

Tommy: That's a shiny coin. Thanks, Des.

Josh: Oh, they are so good. And it's also an Aldi chocolate, so it's probably Actually quite good. Like, Coings are normally shitty chocolate, but I reckon Aldi.

Tommy: Yeah, who makes this? Baby JJ.

Derek: Oh, thank you.

Josh: Hang on, let me just go on my drink.

Derek: Oh my good Lord, catch this. It's gonna get hectic.

Josh: Do you reckon I can still drive? Yes, yes, I can.

Derek: What if I have 4 more? You can still host a vlog. No, here we go.

Peter: What have we got, JJ?

Josh: All right, so I'm opening it. Oh, there's a lot of layers. Oh, this is good, this is good. Oh yeah, great, it's not food. That's okay. Um, it looks flat. It is a pocket pouch knock knock joke. This is perfect. I reckon this would have cost $14 at the post office. Yes, you got it $3.99. It's good to be one. Maybe this is the first book of the book club.

Peter: Yes, here we go. All right, could you read us a knock knock joke?

Josh: Yeah, knock knock. Who's there? Goose. Goose who? Goosey goosey gander. Knock knock.

Derek: That's what you get for $3.99. Who's there? Ben.

Josh: Ben who? Been away a long time. One more, one more. It's got really low brow. Butcher. Butcher who? Butcher left a leg in, butcher left a leg out.

Derek: Someone just downloaded these from some random—

Peter: Is that the hokey pokey?

Tommy: Is there a person responsible for this or they've—

Josh: No one's claimed it as an author. It's actually funny, it's actually written by Seth Godin. I could imagine Seth Godin—

Derek: I want you to rewrite for us for next year.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, I will do one more just for a bit of fun. Knock knock. Who's there? Paul. Paul who? Hang on, you have to flip the page. Sorry, no, no, no, I accidentally— Oh, this is a disaster. Paul thing, let me in and I'll comfort you.

Tommy: They're just—

Peter: it's a real very lowbrow.

Josh: Okay, howdy jokes. Knock knock, who's there?

Derek: Lettuce. Lettuce in, it's freezing out here.

Josh: So that's good. I was expecting number 6. Okay, uh, thank you.

Peter: Who's there? Interrupting cow.

Josh: Interrupting cow. Moo! He gets on the champagne. Jeez, a bit of obnoxious, arrogant explanation.

Peter: I had a, um, what do we got here, Scooter D?

Derek: I had a, uh, here we go, I had a life coach.

Peter: This is great, we've got the lactose intolerant guy, whipped cream, and you've already had a full coffee.

Tommy: Are you lactose intolerant?

Peter: Yeah, yeah, and you had a coffee. I had half of it, yeah, because I felt bad.

Josh: So what would you like to do with the whipped cream? Yeah, what's the idea?

Derek: It's not— no, it's not, Gemma. It's not for kinky reasons. Bullshit. No, I had a life coaching.

Josh: Come on, don't do it. Club moment.

Gemma: Oh, hang on, get closer.

Derek: You gotta tip it.

Josh: Oh yeah, this is living.

Peter: There's whipped cream everywhere.

Josh: We're trying to get the thumbnail.

Gemma: If I do it, it becomes a very different video.

Tommy: You've got to hold it upside down.

Josh: Upside down. And one for Pete. I'm okay, I'm okay.

Derek: It's Pete's present. He's meant to be doing it for people.

Peter: No, JJ's taken over.

Derek: It's okay. He's a professional. Thanks, man.

Peter: How is it? My wife bought some. So did you want to explain? Talk me through.

Derek: Yeah, and I thought about you because my wife bought some of these that. For what? Same. To use as cream. You know, people do buy it to use as whipped cream on things like their cheese.

Peter: It is whipped cream.

Derek: So for the kids' pancakes or whatever. Yeah. And the kids got it out and my wife's grabbed it and I just went into automatic dad mode and went, hey, hey, hey, hey, none of that. And I just went, what the fuck are you saying, Derek? This is what it's for. The kids were so confused when I'm going, hey, 'Cut that out.' 'No, no, no.' And I went, 'Come on, let's do it.' Do you refer to yourself in third person often, Dirk?

Peter: No, never.

Tommy: That actually tastes good, like, for a lactose—

Josh: I mean, you can't tell, but I don't know what it means.

Mason: No, no, it's not lactose-free.

Josh: No, it tastes like— no, it's not like that.

Peter: It's less about— it's less about the taste, more about what it does to your insides.

Tommy: Yeah. Okay. No, because you can get lactose-free milk.

Gemma: But we've got that kit now, so you can make your own digestive system.

Peter: Farmed out whipped cream.

Josh: All right guys, before we go, we should do a bit of what we're grateful for for 2019. Okay, yeah.

Gemma: Is that Thanksgiving?

Josh: Uh, no, no, we're doing it for Christmas.

Tommy: We're not American either.

Josh: Um, I feel like given we're taking all the American holidays, it's only a matter of time before we end up doing something Thanksgiving. I like the idea of Christmas in July. We could start— why do that? Should we start doing it as part of the show?

Peter: Maybe do a big sort of event?

Tommy: Any excuse for I've had a better Christmas in July than a Christmas. Yeah, like, because it was like impromptu, like, hey guys, should we do like a get-together? It was in July and it was the best.

Josh: Could we do like a proper house party here, Seb?

Peter: Like, yeah, like humping here, what, 80 people?

Josh: Christmas in July, easy.

Peter: Look at this dance floor over here.

Gemma: We had 45 over on Saturday and our house is not this big.

Josh: Has Rick got— did he set up Christmas lights or did I make that up?

Mason: Out front. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had to put the rest of them on there because it looked— there was only one. Yeah.

Josh: Yeah. It's okay. No, but I think there's definitely something where we get sort of the whole— oh yeah, definitely. Actually, before we do the gratitude thing, fun fact, I was watching last night how different movies were made. Home Alone. Yeah. Guess what the budget for Home Alone was? 20 mil?

Tommy: Nah, it would have been 60.

Josh: So back in the day when it was— Half a mil. Nah, so when it was made, most films were sort of around that 60 mil mark. But they actually were told by Warner Brothers, if you can do it for 10 mil, you can do it. Anyway, they put together the budget and it came in at 14.5 mil. And so they'd hired everyone, they'd actually built— their whole set is built in a school gymnasium. They were doing it really cheap. And just the exterior shot was like an actual house. Anyway, they went to Warner and they said, hey, this is 14.5 mil. And Warner said, hey guys, if you don't get it down to 13.5 mil, we're shutting down the whole production. There's all the people are there, right? The director of photography, everyone. Anyway, they're like, sorry, no, we can't do it. And then Warner's like, shut it all down. So they had to shut it down. They then, at the same time, they then spoke to Paramount. Wow. And Paramount said, how much were you guys asking for? And they said 14.5 mil. And they said yes. So the next day, The next day, everyone, all the crew would come back and they had Paramount t-shirts on their seats. And it's like, you dickheads! They went from the payroll of Warner Brothers to Paramount, and it ended up being like a hugely successful film.

Peter: Get your grubby mitts off our movie!

Josh: So they made it for $14.5 mil though. Neighbours did that, didn't they?

Derek: What a story. That happened with Neighbours. Really? Neighbours started off on Channel 7. 7.

Peter: God, you have the best—

Derek: about a year or something, or one season, and then they flipped. Just Channel 10. Yeah, Channel O. Channel 10.

Josh: Well, I guess like—

Peter: no, it's on 11 now. Sorry, what?

Gemma: Several of my friends are on it, so I have to pretend I watch it.

Tommy: It's been pushed to the digital channels.

Josh: I feel like 20 years ago everything had less numbers. Yeah, less numbers. 20 years, the phone numbers were less. TV, it was just O rather than 10. They added—

Derek: yeah, they added the 9 at the beginning when I was a kid. And they—

Peter: What was that like, Derek, as a dad?

Josh: What is it?

Peter: What's the day like when they add a 9? I remember that.

Josh: It was pretty dramatic because we were going, "Oh, for fuck's sake!" It was— Scooter, when was it?

Derek: I spent my whole childhood remembering these phone numbers.

Josh: We just gotta remember the '90s, huh?

Peter: It was in the '90s. It was one number.

Derek: It wasn't that big a deal. People don't like change. It was the '90s. Yeah, I don't remember.

Tommy: Yeah, it was pretty dramatic. So we were all—

Peter: I remember when they added area code. It was 52 down in Ocean Grove. They added a 52 at the start.

Josh: What's the most you've ever paid for a Yellow Pages ad?

Derek: Derek, have you ever paid for 9 grand? Jesus, are you serious? This is what I fucking hate about the Yellow Pages. I'm triggered. We're meant to be grateful and Derek's like, watching them die was one of the best pleasures of my life.

Josh: Angry Santa here. Why? Because I had you by the balls.

Derek: You had— if you were in business, even a very small business, you had to pay. There was this— there's only one thing you had to do. You had to— you had no choice. You had to take an ad in the Yellow Pages. Why? But otherwise you didn't exist. So how do you feel about Facebook now?

Tommy: Yeah, fine.

Derek: It was just diabolical. So that's why I love all these things.

Josh: And so 9 Grand, do you remember the first—

Derek: all of it. I love Everything gives you choices.

Josh: The first day that you got rid of your ads, was it a big impact for you? Were you freaking out when you're like, guys, I'm not spending that anymore?

Derek: No, it was the year after that. I'd had to build a website by myself, and the year after that when the rep sort of rang me up to say, let's talk about next year then. That's the thrill. Yeah. Saying you can stick your, yeah, great, big fucking yellow pages right up 'You jackass.' Is that what you said? Yeah. What else would you say? They've been screwing you for tens of thousands of dollars. I could see you revelling in that conversation.

Peter: I would have just screened the call and never spoke to him again. Now you've got to write it down.

Josh: Now you've got to write it down.

Gemma: You faked your own death.

Derek: Remember last year when I wrote you that $9,000 cheque and I said, 'One day I'm going to revel in your company dying out.' You said that? Yeah.

Josh: They were screwing you. It was like the mafia.

Derek: It was extortion.

Josh: The Harvey Norman thing, I want to give you a platform. You did 6 videos slamming Harvey Norman. There's more. What's up? If you give us the 30-second version.

Peter: What's the matter with Harvey Norman?

Derek: No, here we go. 30 seconds. This morning I got an email that was— and I looked at the— was a response to me raising a help ticket on buying a product on their online store that was faulty, and it arrived today saying, oh, here's what to do. To do? Take it to a store. That arrived.

Josh: How long was that? How many days? That was 4 weeks.

Derek: 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks. That's $1,100 product.

Josh: And you've been to the store already?

Derek: I've been to the store twice. No way. And this week I went back to the store and I said, give me the fucking camera back. And the guy looked for it for half an hour and it was in a box out the back, tucked away, right? And I hadn't done anything about it. And I said, give me it back because I've got to do an important video. I made this I made it up. I just said, give me the fucking thing back, I've got a very important video to do. Even though it won't pan or tilt without going out of focus, I need to use it as a static shot. Give me— so the idea was, the guy said, please bring it back, make sure you bring it back again.

Josh: Is that because they had done a refund and you reckon— they haven't done a refund?

Derek: They haven't? No, nothing's been done. Nothing's been done at all. But then what are you seeking?

Josh: What do you want? I just want my—

Peter: What does success look like, Derek?

Josh: I want this huge— And how are you complicit?

Derek: I want this huge company to just straighten up and fucking sort their stuff out. So what does that look like? It looks like someone ringing me saying, we've noticed that you're having a huge issue with our company, how can we make it right? And what does that look—

Josh: what does right look like? Because we'll send this to them, this snippet. What does right look like? Do you just want your money back?

Tommy: Back?

Derek: Well, yeah, yeah, I want my money back.

Tommy: And you can't put it in high school.

Josh: You want an apology?

Derek: 4 weeks to reply to a ticket is ridiculous because you've spent $100 grand at Harvey Norman. They're online, people were rude, and they said take it to a store. I'd already been to a store and they'd said, nah, it's online, it's nothing to do with us, we're a franchise, clear off, right? So I cleared off and then they said take it to a store, and I said, but the online thing asked me to sign in, which is ridiculous.

Josh: Yeah, you sent me an email saying sign in, but you didn't have an account, and then she clicked forget password. What happened?

Derek: No, there was no sign in. Yeah, it was just impossible. So that was impossible. It went on and on. It's not good content for Christmas Day.

Peter: The joys of Christmas.

Tommy: So yeah, what are you grateful for?

Derek: I'm so grateful for this year.

Josh: I'm grateful to mention about Harvey Norman.

Derek: I'm grateful for the, um, superstardom that being on this show has shot me to Yeah, I'm getting— yeah, I'm grateful for watching you guys grow and grow and meeting all the people through your show.

Peter: Man, that's a really nice—

Derek: probably better rethink part of this year.

Josh: Definitely. Oh great, I'm not being dead. Yeah, once you're over 50, that's it. Yeah, thanks for that, Gemma.

Gemma: Man, I was gonna say you guys.

Derek: That's still valid. We love a circle jerk.

Gemma: Yeah, no, no, I am. I'm grateful for you guys.

Josh: That's nice.

Gemma: Yeah, new friends.

Tommy: That's nice. And money.

Gemma: I'm grateful for money. I've fucking killed it this year. I've had a really good year.

Josh: Any retail complaints? Any companies that have screwed you?

Gemma: Nah, no one screws Gemma Watts unless she asked for it. Um, no, I've actually had a really fucking good year. Oh, that's good.

Peter: Big Pete. Yeah, no, I was gonna say new friends as well, being you guys.

Gemma: He's like, new friends? None of you. I've got this other group of great friends.

Peter: They're waiting for me actually. Yeah, no, no, all of you, new friends.

Josh: Sev's, yeah, you guys, Sev's. Better be good.

Gemma: He's grateful for it.

Tommy: It doesn't have to be anything to do with us.

Peter: Sev's is always good. He's good.

Josh: Sev's happy to be here. It is though. And they can't mention like like it doesn't pan, it doesn't tilt, and you can say tally.

Gemma: That's what I was gonna say. He's grateful for me. Oh, definitely.

Mason: No, I think, I mean, this, the year's been like massive. Like I've had all these amazing experiences and first, yeah, none of them would have happened without all of you guys.

Josh: So I think, and you leaning into them as well, you could easily have said no, no, yeah, and we probably would have stopped. But the thing, there's great thrill in the idea that we say, hey, we do this thing, you're like, nah. It's like, come on, you're all right. It's like, I'm grateful for Rachel Vitullo.

Tommy: Oh, definitely.

Mason: No, but I, I, yeah, the fact that you guys are willing to push me and to put me in those sort of environments, I really appreciate it.

Tommy: So thanks, uh, Rod and Gun for, uh, Rod and Gun. Yeah, I'll tell you what, uh, Um, today we just checked our bank account. Amy's like, look at this, it's fucking $2,500 from the government, which was like a— we don't even really understand. It's something about the baby, like the amount of money you pay and then they give you a reimbursement.

Peter: So we didn't know we get a childcare—

Tommy: I'm gonna have a baby! You have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on daycare. Yeah. And somehow in the wash. We get it every year, but we didn't even think about it. We got like $2,500. See, grateful for money. We can actually get each other Christmas presents. This is great.

Josh: Yeah, $1,250 each. She might have a Christmas present in the other room.

Tommy: Well, yeah, that's still not coming from me, Gemma.

Josh: I was posed.

Tommy: No, I don't know, but yeah, that was nice. That's nice. That's always handy. Yeah, so grateful for the government.

Josh: Yeah, you'll ever hear me say that. I know, grateful grateful for the Gronk Squad in general. The fact that people like listen and enjoy and contribute and enjoy. Like if no one was listening, we say we'd still do it, but it's nice that like people actually come on and do that. And like even just like, I think it's, um, yeah, grateful for the, uh, yeah, the whole team. Like the consistent— I've never been good at consistency and so this is the only thing I've ever really been really good from a work perspective being consistent at. And so, um, yeah, I'm grateful for the Daily Talk Show and also the fact that you guys will just come in and be involved and loves the tension. Yeah, exactly. I appreciate that. I feel like you're going to say something.

Derek: I would just agree with you, the attention seekers club.

Josh: Yeah, what should we do in 2020 if we're the thrower bit of a cast into the ocean to the future of 2020. What do we want to do? What should we set a challenge for ourselves as the daily talk show? What should we do as a Gronk Squad?

Peter: I like the idea of more travel for you guys. The LA trip was fun to, fun to observe from here. Yeah, even funner to be there. But yeah, great if you could set up some sort of travel situation. Mm, I think that'd be fun. I'd love to go to Byron Bay.

Josh: Yeah, because I've been pushing back Byron Bay a lot because of— I spent a lot of time in the town, but I was speaking to Jeremy Khan, a friend of ours, and he was saying if you go out into the greenery, there's something about nature or whatever. Wouldn't it be cool to do something?

Gemma: You've got Coonong Creek on your front doorstep.

Josh: But, uh, no, the travel would be— travel would be good. What about you, Scooter? Do you think for the daily talk show what we could do? I like that.

Derek: I like what Peter's saying about travel, but don't say what he says, but no, that's my original thought. Adding more to it The idea and what you said about going into the hinterlands of northern New South Wales, well, that's part of the adventure stuff.

Josh: Start like that.

Derek: Yeah, you start looking a bit deeper into cultures. And I'd like to see you guys at the, you know, in, um, that opal mining joint. And oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, some odd places. What was that joint you went to for a professional video, Tommy? Oh, that was cool.

Josh: Rupert's Farm, up in the middle of nowhere in the middle of I'd like to see the DTS go on a proper road trip. Yeah, road trip would be fun. I'm also grateful for '97 for pre-ordering the Tesla Cybertruck.

Gemma: We should do it like a school camp scenario. I remember you saying that after Breeza did that work trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh: School camp. What's the chance of shit going pear-shaped? A lot, but that's part of it. I'll die.

Tommy: On the flying fox. No, of alcohol poisoning.

Gemma: Around the campfire.

Peter: And on the flying fox.

Gemma: Perseid action. We do a talent show. Gemma, nobody wants this. I'll go first.

Josh: There's something fun about a campfire. I'd love an excuse for it.

Peter: Yeah, I like a campfire.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not in summer though.

Josh: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Controlled environment. I'm not really camped, so— Yeah, either. Princess. More— just putting in requests—

Peter: more stitch-ups like— oh yeah, the video that you did with JJ eating those Starbursts was one of my favorites. Yeah, sorry, Natural Confectionery.

Gemma: I also liked the waffles.

Josh: That was a good one.

Tommy: All you've mentioned is me doing it to Josh, and at some point it becomes bullying.

Josh: I feel like I'd be a guy that would take it too far if I was to stitch everyone up. I've just like, yeah, I faked his own death, or I cut his brakes. You need a stitch after that. We're having a funeral for you, and then you arrive. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, no, I'm happy to do a stitch up. If you guys are okay with me doing a stitch up, I just want to get permission.

Gemma: A stitch up? Don't give permission until you've written rules.

Derek: What about with a consultant?

Gemma: Like, you have to run by me.

Josh: I'm just worried about what I'm going to do.

Derek: Why have to keep it into the— I've never asked for permission.

Tommy: I made the call.

Peter: So it's got to be low-level stitch up. It's like the lollies, isn't it?

Josh: I feel like it's so weird because I've got like a lot of little things that are, that can become big. But yeah, no, I'll have a think. I love that idea over Christmas.

Derek: Stitch-ups without stitches, that's the rule. Yeah.

Josh: Oh yeah, how's that? Just mental. Yeah. All right, well, it's a daily talk show. Uh, PO Box 400, Abbotsford, Victoria 3067. No cash received yet. Yeah, no, but would love to see some currencies. I don't actually— after seeing AusPost this morning and how they were sort of dealing with their admin in? You may never receive it! No no no I love AusPost do we have—

Derek: so Derek's been working potentially with an insider about us getting access to a facility yeah the request has been passed now from senior management to the area that would handle this type of thing so it's moving along unlike your Harvey Norman saga put a bit of salt on the word there We'll see you tomorrow, guys.

Tommy: Merry Christmas!

Josh: Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year! Happy holidays! See you tomorrow, Boxing Day. See you then. See you guys. Bye!