#017 – Handling your emotional triggers/

0:00
It's the daily talk show for the for the seventh Wednesday the seventh of February. Hey Tommy a man Episode What do we add? I keep forgetting 1817 or 1876 70.

0:15
I did not even 20 on Monday. Yeah, perfect. Welcome.

0:19
Thanks house but I get it. Yeah, I'm in your house.

0:23
I'm eating your food and drink your water. So I'm you guys having me?

0:29
Let's get into it. Yeah,

0:30
I've seen I've seen you in the car on the way over here long, long ride. I'm pissed off why I've been trolled again by on the internet. Yeah on YouTube. So. What I'll firstly I got trolled a while. Back on the Obeid videos yeah I got quite a bit on that because I think people legitimately thinking I was serious about fishing them out of the river like it was actually something I do every single day and oh by goal so we're fucking using it is advertising which confuse shit as well. So I did the raising money by selling the book fishing t shirts for charity. Yeah is a website still there? Oh, by fishing calm. Anyway, let me just I just want to read that quickly. How I saw it was a subtle troll from a blog name Bob. Connie now

1:19
all this on my own name. Fucking bug. Is this the same God

1:23
this is no this is the garden back. So what you know about this, but I want to share this. I'm fucking phone empty. I want to share it. He's the thing about this rule calling him Robert Yeah. pissing off these fracking trolls. They use accounts on YouTube and there's no profile picture of course.

1:38
But so this is this is funny. So fizzy water is good but I released

1:42
a video that was basically I think was called how I raised $1,520 using o box or something around that anyway Bob wrote on the video which has me talking about the money that are raised and releasing the figure yeah Bob said D all bike pay $1,520 to you. Question Mark I wrote back and said they bought a bunch of T shirts too but didn't pay me anything for making any of the videos If only haha I see the first issue is that I even fucking engaged with this idiot yeah and then he said I think we both know they paid you a hefty bit for the sheer system and the world's dumbest marketing campaign or then said haha if only and then he wrote back well they did know when Korean Melbourne would go bike fishing go make a vlog about it like your video style and then keep saying how good they are not many people want them damn Oh bikes in brackets I do but most don't and I think with a better system they could easily become a smash hit the problem with Bob he's taking the things that he's thinking he's fucking head and he somehow managed to get to the your comments section this is it's not even just a troll yeah

3:01
it's not but it's a fucking flood of thoughts that he's having

3:05
I wrote back in my bank account and wife say differently Robert and it looks as though I'm awake and then did you help me craft that one?

3:12
Yeah I think so. We had a few different options I think one of them was think the Wang k is the one rushing comments on the we we wrote about we had about four different response so

3:24
the reason I bring it up because it's today I want you to help me craft a response I do like this stuff go on because I've already beaten I've got I got trolled last night yeah and they brought my second family into it

3:34
wait and you made the mistake of your screen writing back end right back without consulting may idea it was a really good thing so this Telstra thing that happened where you go down this fucking rabbit without consulting me go does it mean you're a king trial if you know how to out troll the trolls no I yeah I just I think that I'm

3:54
I've got a good mix of I've been there I've beaten back but I feel like I've got a good bite by No One To use it and you're good with words any smart so it

4:03
concoction. You're right. This is have you seen this video on my YouTube channel? haunted abandoned hospital? Nothing. I made this back in 2015 and march of 2015 template

4:15
for me now but just

4:16
know it's basically made looking through this haunted hospital mill in Maroon now just outside of shepherding yeah in country Victoria and I went in the day and my and Amy stayed in the car my wife anyway this bloke no profile picture His name's Tom Tonka Tom Tonka with no profile picture picture picture he said go there at night not in the day you fucking cc PS the scariest thing in the video was your girlfriend with no makeup

4:51
well

4:52
any i saw i wrote back Tom Tonka just checked your channel and couldn't find the video of you going into the abandoned hospital at night with your hot girlfriend. Can you link me question mark yeah that's okay.

5:06
Yeah I know it wasn't it wasn't

5:10
let's give me

5:13
so he's written back to that okay what does he written? He said I yes. I always knew my life was missing something turns out it's uploading shitty videos to share.

5:25
Yeah first of all it just pisses me off because I What's his

5:29
name? Tom Tonka his real name is a real person don't know yeah i mean they're all real people right? You can't be a content just be

5:40
I mean real person being tom tom because the real guy okay yeah but it's it fucking pissed me off because it pissed me off because I beat beat back and I could have just left it it's on an old video there's multiple levels here Yeah

5:53
sure. Do I even write back to this idiot? probably not but let's have a funding right right back so

6:01
stay tuned and uploading shitty videos too shy

6:05
Okay great.

6:09
I think it's something around

6:13
I hope you watched my video using your mobile data and you go over this month and have to pay extra you fucking piece of shit

6:25
like maybe not the fucking piece of shit bit as much

6:27
as we want to yeah

6:29
look so that's one angle there's heaps rabies one again What is he said for the very first one

6:38
go there at night in it and not in the day you fucking cc pay is the scariest thing in this video was your girlfriend with no mag up

6:48
and so it's a video is five minutes and six seconds long so they could be sent me in like

6:57
I'm so glad I could help waste five years I think that the thing is that it's see ourselves on our podcast yeah

7:05
we're giving him like it's a don't feed the trolls iraq because he's I mean we can have fun in little things that we could say bank yeah I'm not gonna rock yeah don't write back maybe just been like Hey Tom liked Why don't you make a video that you you know like

7:25
and I think he's really got some trauma from cheese childhood

7:31
like yeah cuz he's giving me Tom Do you know high bully you in school? If so, I would just like to apologize it's time to move the fact haha yeah. There's so many things that you could say what have you traveled someone? Honestly, have you written on someone where you've been completely anonymous and not no Me neither.

7:53
I don't know I just said Yeah.

7:57
Now I haven't felt the need and I

7:59
think it's when it's things like this with any app for musicians artists having fun king of shoes right back to old fucking Tom that he's good but if he's like this it really hits date when you've it's not even a video like it's not even the comment that he put it's like him going out of his way to do this. And so such an easy bought like it's just put out the bays is projecting so hard at something that is he so

8:27
he's upset. Like we're talking about the other day, I put up a fairly short video and you were talking about I could tell in your voice when you were talking to me about like, one will having a bit of a retrospective on the video. You were disappointed. Like there was a level of you wanting to for me to do great videos. Yeah. And I think that an extension of that he's this these people who assigning these things not because

8:56
they're saying them because those comments mortar themselves. It's this thing of like, he's probably not comfortable. Maybe he doesn't have a partner or he's not comfortable. His partner is not comfortable being on video. And so he's projecting all of that. I mean, he might also just be a piece of shit, but I'm pretty sure that he's projecting. Yeah, and I think that all we're all that we can do is have positive self talk, because I think I was speaking to a friend today I caught up with her for lunch, she was running a little bit like she had a bit of a blow up in a meeting with a boss there and I am brand new employee who just started to spend like this is fact and she wasn't feeling that good about it. And,

9:50
and the thing to consider is, yeah, like you, you can make a mistake in a moment, you can do these things, but it's you can only handle what you're doing going forward. You can can only control you can't fucking controlled Tom, you can't control what he's gonna he might be fucking wittier than you he might like

10:09
so he's probably not really then you might say that's really hasn't got you on my side but the thing is I think it's the it's the acceptance seen those external forces whatever and like to bring it back to my my friend and what I've been thinking about is it's like I think that we can beat ourselves up on things and be like you know even about responding and being like she's a fucking played into exactly what he's saying and all that sort of stuff and I just think it's fucking you have to move on like you think about the

10:45
the bigger like that's scalable right now right the trolls a scalable like you can you're hyper connected to them but imagine if you are fucking Katy Perry right? If you're Katy Perry she's not

11:02
as one person she cannot scale trolls she can't make reach out to all of them and I don't think it's not

11:10
and that's what I think about it like these YouTubers that scale 10 million subscribers they would be getting so much Jen's look at Logan Paul at the moment. Yeah we made some pretty bad choices and felt the full force of trolls towards him also towards like from money from a monetary side of things YouTube's shutting down half of his ad rev he's just come back on to the same Have you

11:38
have you read Jon Ronson so you've been publicly shamed oh I haven't fucking write a book all about this stuff works I am Jon Ronson new have been publicly shamed other it's actually quite good or bad

11:51
accent yeah listen to the six What's it called? Oh yes a butterfly effect

11:57
yeah the only bit I can do I know I've said drop this a bomb once or twice this multiple probably up to fifth time but what am I like when I pretend to be Jon Ronson I am I use this a bomb because there's this line where it's like

12:16
it was like a response to the the chick who was going to Africa and said hopefully I don't get AIDS yeah and got slammed for it obviously but then it was like I remember there's one line in there which is like so full and it's like rip out Can't they said someone

12:37
someone yeah right there on fucking Twitter and stuff she don't think that's possible to report on this I don't know what that means and so what about this book I don't know the other ones right

12:48
it about trolls yeah it's all about how someone can fact that they can do something wrong and then the what comes after it the lynch mob but whatever you Colton that comes after it is why fracking worse like I don't know I literally only heard one line in the news the other day bills about

13:12
Robert Doyle standing down or what I said

13:14
is Danny quit

13:16
yeah and the thing is um who's the guy who's real big on the anti depress our

13:23
football man was a man on webinar I'm a premier fact what's his name, Pattabhi Jois know the one who that does like Australia in Melbourne, Melbourne specific Hawthorne i think is East team we're going to get there I know this is painful was it sport and he is Josh has no clue he does like the what's the fucking men's beyond well beyond blow your X Factor getting close What is it What's he doing anyway he's fucking he was a he Hawthorne maybe maybe a president maybe Melbourne football club and what see Dan premier packing not brags. Premier who was before brags. I have no idea. It's

14:09
Kennett. Jeff can yes yes I present the authenticity

14:14
yeah see Jeff Kent What about Jeff Kennett. He was all i the only thing I heard in the new thing was that hey, Robert Jordan get a fair sort of packing whatever it was, like people weren't being fair to him, or he because he they it was accused of a six page well the thick recourse where Yeah, it's that thing of like, Okay, you've been publicly shamed, being fact an acid and we don't know any other of those details. Yeah,

14:38
what's it I heard a really good quote and it was in the Hilton surprising but it was taken from a really Scala person and it was around my nose ring the Herald Sun and this fucking scholar

14:54
The point being It was around like a What do you call a whisper or something takes a lifetime to come around it's around you know like if you if you get accused of being a six piste. Regardless if you are not yet it'll take a lifetime for it to come round and the truth come Yeah,

15:12
absolutely. But I think that the that's why we need to control our internal monologue more than anything, I've got this poster up that I got in the off screen magazine that makes mag very good off screen mag calm is his website. And it's a list of things that says it's okay to it says it's okay to say I don't know. Ask for more clarity. Stay at home. When you feel ill. Say you don't understand. Ask all those things are asked what an acronym stands for. And these are the things that we I feel like we do a fucking terrible job of giving ourselves like and when you're getting attacked. And the reason that you need it is because when you've got a vicious

16:01
lynch mob or a malicious comment, you need to be internally Okay, you need to be having voices that are positive, that's pushing me forward to be able to push up against any negative shit. Because if if, if you would assign, you know, if you were to think about the internal monologue of creating video, there's probably a little bit of you, which is like, Oh, yeah, you're fucking you know, for what, you shouldn't really be doing this type of stuff. You're not really a fucking filmmaker you don't you so fucking new to this, who do you think you are doing? Like, all of these things are very common thoughts that people have, and people who have really successful and when you have those thoughts, when you have imposter syndrome, when someone gives you a little fucking right to comment that they're projecting their own imposter syndrome in there and that's why it stinks so much because they my Mac Dan has a as saying I think it comes from his dad who who's a pastor they say hurt people hurt people

17:11
it's pretty fucking powerful. It's like it is that cliche of the fucking The, the bullies the bullied and it's the it's the the the thing that we don't know about the bully is that if I can get hit when they're at home. Yeah and

17:27
so and I think the other thing that happens is when you internally give you have empathy for yourself and give yourself a break you're way more willing to give that same empathy to other people even if you go back right I remember I feel like I was blinded by a lot of this stuff because I was in the early days of making content yeah and even getting into radio like listening back it's cringe worthy or shit but I never really in those moments was focusing on that because I couldn't I wouldn't survive it and it's like when you start posting videos I've told you about my mate Mitch who's a teenager from up in Khyber and country Victoria I was like dude what he wants to make videos and he wants to you know make blogs and he's got camera equipment and I was like Why don't you make you more like put your stuff out and anyway long story short I was like a realize that he's pretty frightened by what kids say

18:25
and kids can be fucking brutal and that was my biggest and that we've spoken about this on a previous podcast previous episode my I think the biggest advantage that I actually had whiz bang these fucking out cost and that that is what is cool like the thing that what is what people perceive as call initially is being able to like not have this friction just be like a friends with everyone and be like to and not do anything that people like if I can say you don't want to be talked about you don't want all all of those things. But there's a transaction going on if you don't want to be talked about you can't create anything that's worth talking about. And that goes both ways. So it's the it's the yin and the yang right so if I can yeah this this time I was listening to an audio book think it's called I thought it was just may knew if I can have a go at me for listening to burn a brown gets a little

19:25
burn a brown. Well, listen, I mean, I listened to a bit of a change of heart. simple

19:31
fact that you've softened up a lot you used to you were a little bit sort of

19:36
pushy. might enjoy Rogan. Nothing. Exactly. I can

19:39
fight companion unless almost years back. And you.

19:45
You you you were a pope, which I get it. Yeah,

19:50
she's she's, I think maybe Oprah at some point probably gave at the tip of approval or something. She's got a very female focused audience, which I think plays into to my personality. Because I'm a big fan. Yeah, and yeah, you are more fucking Joe Rogan. You're getting your fucking mindfulness advice from a UFC commentator who used to be on the fear factor is

20:18
that sort of fact, isn't it?

20:21
But the Bernie brown Yeah, she's got this book I thought it was just me all about shame. And how many of these things are tied into shame? So

20:32
I always try and pick out point something news I am feeling shame I remember after doing that fucking Episode Episode 14 or whatever where we went a bit fucking out there and speaking to Bray afterwards embrace one was that you talking about? squeegee? Yeah, exactly. It was like fucking talking about, you know, crazy shit I did as a kid. Yeah. And he said to me, she's like, you know, I told like a guy who should just met at work to listen to my podcast. And the first thing you did on the day that I explained a story of when I was 15 and put a shower squeegee in my ass.

21:10
It never gets old. And especially no contact thing is I am I realized that it was I I actually got real hot when she said, Oh, you can't, can't do that. Like, you shouldn't have posted that I got hot. real hot. Like, my head felt really hot. And I felt like particularly. Yeah, and it's like a reaction that I was having to the shame that I was like that I'd created some. And because Bray was like, you know, there's some things that are just personal and she's come around, and she ended up confronting that shame herself. And the next day, you she's, you know, with a girlfriend out to brunch telling the story and the fucking laughing and then she was able to and what I think that I'm trying to do this half attention seeking because it gets a laugh. I remember when I was a kid, I was known as having these poo stories. And it was like, when I was about like, was probably when I was about 11 years old. I was a bit of a fucking outcast in the sense of like, the family friends group, because everyone was like playing you'd go to people's houses, you'd be playing cricket or shit like that. Now I remember I would just cry they stories where I'd be where the punch line was that I walked in.

22:27
So I'd be like so has one even you shut yourself down. And I know it is

22:30
literally a sob story. It was just literally may make up a story. So true. know, something like that. Like Josh, tell us a story. Um, OK. So the other day I was walking along, and I saw this massive kangaroo and it was like, coming towards us. And I couldn't, I couldn't run quick enough. So I hid behind a tree. Anyway, five minutes light of that gone. And I was walking along home. And as I got to the new the front door, I stood in dog poo. And I loved it. I loved it. And it was sort of laughing at me and my brother been like, you know, that I'm loving. I'm really not with you. And so the reason I bring that up is that was I could tell that I've loved the attention I'd love to the attention. And it was one of the first times of me

23:18
accepting the fact that even if this attention is coming from my expense of people laughing at me, I still dig it.

23:26
Fascinating. What's fascinating is a physiological response. Yeah, to your thought, yeah, crazy, isn't it? Yeah.

23:36
And if you start to deconstruct, and this is what I really want to get into fucking meditation and shit, I've never been able to nail it down. But meditation allows you to understand and see your thoughts and being able to recognize because I think that we constantly go through these loops of the same things over and over again, like, think about stories, things that happened two years and years and years ago, and for whatever reason, they've stuck in your head, and they can they come out and you turn around loops. Yeah, it's, I mean, shipping reflective, rather than reactive, but you will always be wrecked. I think most people are reactive to the thought like something happens, a smell comes or I say somebody, it's just triggering constantly your thoughts from the past? And I think it's recognizing it. I think it's like, you can react. So it's the difference between reacting and hearing it and understanding what's happening. So it's like, why and it what we can also potentially do is break that loop. So it's like if someone says something. So for instance, you know, I think that sometimes there's someone says something really main or nasty. There's a sense of like, I want to hurt you as much as you've just hurt me. Yeah, so I'm gonna hurt you with my words. Because I can know that I can do that. But it's, it's knowing that that's the impulse. It's like, I'm hurting you. Because I want you to feel what I'm feeling right now. Yeah, totally. And it's realizing that hang on, like, let's break that loop. Let's like just how many times have you know, you and your wife had an argument and then it actually becomes way bigger than whatever it needs to be. Because it's like, it starts off with

25:29
why we running light you didn't get your shoes on in time to this fracking explosion of for me, I love me anymore. For me. It's, it's,

25:40
it's like backing back. It's like a dog gets yelled at need back back. I for me, it's like I've got I think I've got much better at a bit from primary school. And growing up. I was always blamed for everything. Yeah, at school, whether I did it or not. And most of the time, I probably didn't do it. Then have the top I did it. Yeah, but teachers. It's like, I can damage kids, man, which flows into adult life. Yeah, I I definitely feel like I'm reactive to people pointing the finger and

26:09
a good example. And was at

26:10
the time you said something a punch in the face.

26:13
Well, I think that it also plays into masculinity and all this sort of thing. We're not having enough conversations around that. I think that that's what women are better at is it's like, they talk about all of this shit, where it's not necessarily as natural to you can see that you playing in this fluffy area. And some people turn off. Yeah, but I think a good example of where I noticed it from you, as I and I think we've spoken about on the show before was when will filming Mei Mei being a dad for the day and you were walking and nearly knocked into someone as they were riding their bike. And the dad said, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like he was over the top. Watch out. Watch out. And your natural reaction was to be like, I knew that were there and you didn't know what that like, I did what I feel. I know. I think that the thing was that it was your your need to have a response in a reaction.

27:09
I totally and I and I knew it was probably the wrong response to this dude. But it's fine like and and dying dissecting. It's like, I was pissed off that he wasn't telling his fucking kid to watch it. Yeah. When I was not obviously not looking in his kid was just riding towards me. And when I say killers, like an older kid, yeah.

27:28
But I think that the the thing is that it's a we can't we can't control what that fact head out the front of Linda parks going to say. But we can control what we say. And it's interesting because it's

27:44
we need to be able to give ourselves a break. And I wonder

27:50
it's not a natural reaction for you in that specific scenario, because it was enough of a you had a certain context that you were rain and you react in that way. But what about being able to say sorry, night?

28:09
It's not a natural, like, it doesn't feel entirely it doesn't feel natural. But what about what what does that do? Like? I wonder what because we feel and and then the natural response that we get instantly feels packing. Like, we might feel good words. Like we can have that quick conversation. Is that what a fat kid

28:30
but I think that for long term happiness. Yeah,

28:34
it's totally natural. It's a more natural, like, if you were to react positively. Yeah, it's going to have a more positive outcome. Yeah. So if you were to say, Sorry, even if it's like, yeah, they were in the wrong a bit too. takes two to tango. But yeah, who takes the high road? Yeah, I totally get it. And I and I definitely have had that he my wife, she has had a bit of Iranian with someone at work, right. That raise their voice at her someone of power. Yeah. At the at the job she's in and how that made her feel, right. Yeah. And for me, I think fact. And you anyone tells me anyone fucking yells at me in my job. Yeah. Tell him to get fucked. That was. Yeah, it's like, but then is that you know, and I know this is across the board. Lots people yelled at work. Yeah. Which you totally should not be yelled at. by anyone at work. Yeah, like, that is the total wrong thing. Yeah. To have happened from someone in a more senior position. Yeah. But it's the response to that. And so where I would fail it in an environment in a corporate world, like I think about any other places I've worked at my if anyone fucking yelled at me. Yeah,

29:46
I would buy. Exactly. And is it the

29:50
Where do you think that comes from? Is there the sense of like, realigning that alpha? Because it's like, baby

29:55
baby. Initially, the initial instant response for me is the logic the logic of you can't fucking Neil anyone. Yeah, so don't fucking yell at me. Yeah. And then it's like, obviously, the feeling like a

30:12
you know, for me, her responses like childhood feelings coming up, you know, I don't want to be yelled at night. I've had that before. And that makes me feel a certain way. So it's like, everyone has their own reaction. Yes, I'm could be to cower into the corner not be a coward. But just that's a internal responses to shut down. Or it's about bite back like a dog. And the hard thing is that people have different languages. Yeah. Right. So the thing is, if I tell someone to fuck off, it's not a big deal. Like,

30:42
fuck off. Tommy. Right? Like, if if I said that, yeah, it wouldn't be a big thing. You said that to someone else. And it's the end of the fucking world. And so this is. And so the thing is that, that that person who yelled at or might respond fucking better to have having a cool

31:02
Yeah, you have that yet?

31:03
But we don't like I don't know. Like, I'm not fucking psychologists understand this stuff. But I think

31:09
yeah, it's very tricky. Have that this

31:13
friend was telling me a story about

31:18
you have just been called out by saying something that you think is harmless, which isn't necessarily politically correct anymore. Someone was leaving a job, right? And she was off to a new job, and her manager. So the manager is a guy, the person leaving as a woman, the manager said, you know, over the person took on a new role. And over the last six months, she's really blossomed into that role right

31:49
this day, both get along really well. This is a whole going away thing, you know, all the people within the company and she stopped him and said, Johnny, say that I've blossomed. Would you say that to a man?

32:05
And it was interesting, because, like, okay, like, it's would you ever say on Josh has blossomed like, I think, maybe, with me, you would, because I'm a big fan fan, but maybe these are feminine, maybe, is it talking down about someone saying, are they have blossomed, or, you know, there's all this language these things that we say

32:23
they calling stuff like this micro aggression. Yeah. So it could be the time that you say something or the phrase that you Yeah,

32:30
but it's, it's, it seems harmless from inside, like, he's obviously coming from a good place. But the thing is, maybe it isn't a reality that we're not accepting. And so how did she react to it also, so she reacted that that's what she said. So, you know, I know what she said. But it was she felt like he was he would never say that to a man. Yeah. And it

32:51
was pointing out that she's a female. Yeah,

32:56
see, this is where it's getting PC like, Yeah, I thought was gonna be something worse than that. Yeah. And maybe I'm totally out of touch. No, but I

33:03
mean, this is the person who was telling me this story is female. Yeah. and was like,

33:09
it seems like we're going a bit far. So there's few things she felt a certain way, which is totally okay. Yeah. And he then can he then probably felt really fucking attacked. Yeah, because he was probably coming from such a great place, I think you gauge it. Like, if it's someone who's totally out of touch. Yeah, and you like, they're not your friend, really, their work, how, and they've shown signs of this, you know, match, oh, masculinity in the past. And then I said that I think

33:43
it's difficult, I think that maybe some of these things hinder positive change because I but I think that it's worthwhile The thing is that if those things The reason you know, you and I have had really robust conversations over the last couple of weeks about feminism and the modern workplace and all these types of things and one of the things that have informed me have been in these situations in gaining empathy and so these trigger points of these things happening so her doing it has done something positive because if anything it's making people think and so maybe it's like okay how can we shift to these things so

34:27
he I mean he could just easily choose these words more wiser next time but then if you really go deep into it and I'm not saying I want to but it's like I you pointing out is she thinking that there is no difference between a man and a woman

34:42
like I don't know maybe that's even in her mind I think

34:45
it's like I think that what could sometimes it's the same as I remember

34:50
talking to faith a box who's a radio personality and a friend of mine and she told she was telling me how she fucking hate when people cola babbling you know Fei Fei box is really bubbly because to her it's this like soft fracking wording which is very you don't really say Tommy jackets this bubbly like we don't you like we use that bubbly is a is it really a female only word and and i think that maybe it's a way of

35:27
maybe we're using it as a proxy for more not malicious but sort of negative connotation so bubbly is a bit of a fucking airhead bubbly is it's it's a bit light it's not necessarily going to have any depth so i think that you know words if I can interesting yeah I remember being in high school and just saying you know this shits really guy you tie guy you just fucking co everything guy yeah because now and it come had its guy yeah well it's just like we wait you know around today we just we didn't we didn't know anything else and then you have a bunch of guy friends and you stop you know mixing in in in the fucking real world and then you feel like Could you imagine like how like gross would it be to use those those words and that's why it's good for fracking going out and exploring and saying new places and being around different people and it's not about being pay say

36:32
it's about it's about something else yeah I didn't know what it is yeah

36:36
well I think that guy bring it back to the blossom can take from that that he wasn't in the wrong but he's word that he chose and the time they used it yet made someone feels that way. Yeah. And and I guess like if you break it gets step out. It's like that's what you're saying. And if you can next time choose a different word. Yeah. You you have less of an impact on that. What's another word? You've really grown up easy. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, what do you think about a woman if she has, like, I see the descriptive word blossoms like, you know, blooming, it's like females, uh, you know, beautiful and sort of, there's many things that they don't possess that men you know, traits like the massive like testosterone like aggression and things that come along with that so his choice of words was he probably thought it was more elegant than just saying I really grown I think that there's all from a hierarchical point of view

37:33
blossoming seems like something that happens early in a career so someone who's in a senior position I could I could imagine say saying our interns have really blossomed maybe someone more senior who's like it's but fact it's it's not easy it's definitely

37:54
one after that bloomed if you blossom then you blown

38:00
you said it's word so we're thinking word so it does get down to the semantics but I will say okay

38:04
let's not fucking use flowers

38:08
but at what point does the what worries me and I know we spoke about this in all these subjects these in depth subjects about what the worries and the worry cans down to people being so scared to talk yeah based on the fact that I use the word Bloss blue possum a bloom anyway, one of those last minute conversation and and when does it finish? And I know because they need to look at these people's feelings is Yeah, totally true. Yeah.

38:36
Well, it's the reality and I think that some of these saying like one language change that I made probably three or four years ago is I will call

38:49
girls who are friends. Matt. Hi, Matt. Like I'll use the word man. Now. I remember that as opposed

38:54
to what do I

38:55
just never used it? I feel like I have no

38:59
way I Bobby Hey, Bob's

39:01
Yeah. By now. I think I just don't think that I think some people people would even say are you don't call a woman a mate. Like you don't say Hey, man, to a woman. Like for whatever reason, I just felt like that was a thing. Whereas actually probably the longest part of a more like five years where it's I've changed that. I remember specifically changing that language where it's like, if we're going to create, like, we need to create an environment where it's like, you can have men and women as friends. And you know, having that right. Dynamic. I don't know it sort of, yes. Fucking, it's a bit tricky.

39:44
So in depth, like, you know, the, we're just scratching the surface of something that's thick, and then there's an inner liat. Yeah, because there are laws coming out around using certain words pronouns for genders. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah.

39:59
I remember I had someone who on LinkedIn I did a video with Christian how a friend of mine who's a great like fucking hilarious comedian who does a bunch of videos on Facebook who you know as well and there was a photo of him and I and I'm filming him and he's in each Trish week he does his character traits and someone on links LinkedIn said I hope this video isn't trance phobic and fuck off my response was Tanga Tanga Tanga that was and it was somewhat The thing was it was someone who I had been following on social media who would bang going head bang having fucking testosterone injections been going through. So I'm like, okay, they he's going through.

40:51
He's hyper sensitive to this sort of stuff he's projecting. But I think that

40:57
it's a very interesting realm where it's like, with is diminishing returns where it's like, okay, the the,

41:06
the thing is that he's gone in and said this thing that is,

41:13
I feel like it put me in a position where, as I said, I actually don't know if it's transfer big. Feel free to watch that. Because that in fact, is, is having a man dress up as a woman doing comedy doing parodies. Transfer? Arabic, I don't actually know.

41:30
Okay, so because then you go into the nuances of it. Christian, how's the guy? Man? Yeah. Who is rather feminine yet in his approach? And he's a lovely, sweet guy. It's like, does that play into it? If it's if it's me, you know, like, I'm a bit of a lucky bloke. What they are in a week. Yeah.

41:47
Does that mean that would probably say more transforming if you're ever going to compare the two of us? And there was a little bit of that where I'm like, stop fucking picking on another minority

41:59
actually effect it. Because you just you doing exactly what you shouldn't be doing? Yeah, but it's, it's so fucking complex. Yeah, but I'm enjoy. I enjoy. I don't see it as a barrier. I say this thing is like, Okay, how can we build empathy? How can we learn from these things? How can we, you know, I think that ticking boxes and stuff like that can sometimes make you a bit disenfranchised by the whole process. So, you know, like, I'll have meetings where it's where we're openly talking about, you know, people talent in video, and I remember getting a friend in a photo with the CEO. And she said, Is this she's Asian? And she said, Is this for the whole fucking diversity can laugh I said now, but reality was, it's like, I wanted a different face and all of this, like, I'm so out of my fucking depth with this stuff. But it's, I get it out. There'll be a lot of people that in the behind the scenes, they are totally not being racist. Yeah,

43:06
but they will probably come across it when their job is we need to cast we're shooting a film that's Mexican people within Yeah, we need to find Mexicans. Yes. Like the Way that'd be talking. I know it's very off the cuff. And so it's like when this politically correct and for a lot of, you know, a lot of times it's right, that it's becoming politically correct. Yeah,

43:30
helping minority minority groups. But there's also the other time where it's butting heads with this thing is what's going to happen. And I think that what I've taken from it is, even though things can go to fucking far, we shouldn't use that as a as a case to say, we're not going to care. We're not fight, we're pushing back on it. I think we support and we have our moments of like, this seems like unnecessary and leave it at that because I think that I remember having my friend Simon who big in the diversity space a female entrepreneur who's done amazing things and she was talking about the negative impact in doing in some of these discussions were actually pushing some of this stuff ends up hindering rather than helping, and that would be fucking terrible outcome. So I mean, you know, we're very fucking under qualified to talk about this shit. But

44:22
I think we've touched on topics so it's like, we definitely not giving out right opinion or bring facts that we aren't, ya

44:29
know, we get just giving our fucking thoughts and maybe it's getting other people to think that maybe you are like, maybe you're just a couple of whities who have no sense of this sort of stuff. And maybe your maybe this has given you something

44:45
I don't even know if you can say maybe you could be tom tom Tonka

44:51
thanks everyone Happy Wednesday if you get trolled don't bite back like I do yeah just fucking leave it and don't stop it from making shit to its

45:01
you know it's 37 degrees right now in Melbourne. Thanks weather guy Josh yeah and you know stay cool everyone and enjoy Wednesday will say tomorrow by

45:09
actually you know what, before we go

45:11
yeah, get people to fucking if if you are on iTunes, subscribe. Yes. And give us a review. Give us a review. Or just fucking right we've got six writings now or five star which is fucking great. Next week. We're going to start talking about this as well. So hopefully we haven't said anything to offensive right. Bye guys.